stored in: 2020

I have so much to learn, so little time.

I am learning what family ministry looks like for our church.

I am learning what a Christ-exalting children ministry would look like.

I am learning the centrality of Jesus in my walk with God.

Yes, I knew these things before. But lately I feel like I am learning all over again, perhaps at a different level.

I think God is opening up my mind and heart to learn so I don’t get complacent. I am also learning how empty I would be without the Holy Spirit.

I need to learn to cultivate stillness before God so I don’t just learn things about God and miss out on God himself.


I told my son-in-law today that I wish I was younger so I can stay in my job longer. I think I’ve been saying this recently.

At the interview for this job 7 years ago, I told the search committee that I don’t see myself working beyond 5 years. I never wanted the pressure of working in ministry. I thought ministry as a job would take all the fun out of ministry.

But at the ministry training this past Saturday where I had to articulate the vision for the children ministry, I realized how much I believe in the vision. I realized I want to see it through. I wish I were younger.

And talking to my SIL made me realized how God has put me here for such a time as this. “I don’t need job security. I can tell the pastors what I want. If they want the children ministry to go in a direction that I don’t agree with, I can just quit.” No one has disagreed with me. So ministry has been fun.

God is so good to me.

President’s Day allowed us to get together with both granddaughters. Went to the park, picnic, leisurely stroll. I remember how it was to pack the diaper bag and all the paraphernalia just for a few hours out.

If I had 1 year to live, I’d spend my time with my kids and grandkids. Oh, and my husband too, haha. Freudian slip – shows what I always tell people – I’m a much better mom than a wife. So now I tell all young moms, don’t ignore your husband.



I’ve been wanting to read through this book for a long time. I’ve read bits and pieces of it, now I’ve read it cover to cover.

There are many excellent points on how to teach more effectively. The best part though is the Appendix on how to teach this material to other teachers. It includes activities for each lesson plan which are good ideas to use in any lesson. Ex: draw a picture of how you think a person learns.

I wish teachers of adults know how to use more teaching methods. They think lecture and discussion are the only ways to teach.

I will teach those lesson plans one day.

Highly recommend this book. Dr. Hendricks is humorous and shares a lot of his experiences. The passing of that generation of Christian leaders is a lost to this generation. But at least we have his books.

Done with my February book.

I started to read Discipling by Mark Dever. I expected it to be a very basic book, and it is. And it is just too boring in presenting basic material. I’m putting it back on the shelf.



stored in: 2020

More 36 questions with hubby:

#13 If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Me: I don’t want to know when I die, that would be scary.

Hubs: But you can prepare. If I knew I only had one year to live, we can spend money and go on a cruise.

Me: If I had one year to live, I would want to spend time with people and tell them about Jesus. Actually, we can do that now and we can go on a cruise now too.

Me: Maybe I want to know if I’m really going to be in heaven.

Hubs: You already know that, don’t waste the crystal ball on that.

Me: Yeah, good point.

Hubs: I’d want to know which stocks will be up in the next months.

Me: ok, make some money and we’ll go on a cruise.


Today in Children Worship, within 5 minutes after my sermon, I asked one of the 4th grade girls whom I know well and was very attentive: What is one thing you learned from the message today? …*cricket chirp*…Do you remember one thing?…ok, bye!…

Teaching children is very humbling. Even when I thought I had a very good lesson, it’s not about me. It’s all up to God to do the rest.

A new family came. The whole family – mom, dad, 3rd grader, 2nd grader, baby – came to Children Worship. The parents want to help the 2 elementary kids adjust to their first time here. “We attend an Indonesian church, but we don’t have anything for the children. We like it here already.”

How can you like a church you’ve only just attended the children worship? Do you choose a home church based on what the children ministry looks like? Can you discern our theology from one sermon you heard from me?

Our church is attracting families from small churches without children/youth ministries. But my kids were raised in a small church without that. I’m not saying that it’s a good thing, but small churches have many things to offer that a larger church cannot. There is a place for small churches and God accomplishes His purposes through small churches. I wish parents would not decide to come to our church based on what looks like a “good children and youth program” which they conclude based on our size.

My voice is really tired today.

stored in: 2020

The idea of quality of life is overrated.

We wouldn’t consider Paul or Jesus to have had “quality of life”.

Timothy had physically ailments 1 Tim 5:23.

Yet they lived out God’s calling with impactful lives.

My fear of aging is suffering and “quality of life” for myself and/or my husband. If my husband is paralyzed by a stroke, both of us will suffer. I don’t want to suffer. I’ve gone through some suffering and lived through it. I can see God’s faithfulness through all of it. The pain has dimmed over time. But prior suffering hasn’t made me braver to face future suffering.

God reminds me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. No matter how the world defines “quality of life”, my life WITH CHRIST IS quality of life.

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.  2 Cor 4:17-18

Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

stored in: 2020

I wish I had the opportunity to meet Howard Hendricks.

“If I scheduled a seminar at your church and then walked in drunk, you’d dismiss me immediately. But if I walked in fifty pounds overweight, you’d feed me more, right? Sure – after all, you can’t have a Christian gathering without food. Did you ever wonder how the early church made it without coffee and doughnuts? I’ll tell you: They had something better to provide togetherness – persecution. That’ll weld you together in a hurry.” p31 Teaching to Change Lives, Howard Hendricks.

Praying with a 4 year old today gave me a picture of going to God as a child. The security of a child in the arms of her father and the full trust in her father’s love and strength is what God is calling me to with Him.

I have a low grade anxiety about aging and death. This picture that God showed me is a comfort. Lo, I am with you always.



stored in: 2020


At church yesterday:

Friend: Are you guys free today? Want to invite you and your husband over.

Me: Aren’t you watching the Superbowl?

Friend: I just found out who is playing.

Me: I don’t even know who’s playing. Sure, we’re free.

We had talked about going to his house to look at his landscape. I was wondering if it was an invitation for dinner. When I ask someone to come over, it’s usually for a meal.

Friend: Great, we can chat over coffee and dessert or something. How about 2ish?

I’ve never had anyone over without a meal. And it was really a lovely time talking over a cup of soup (because I don’t drink coffee.)

I took it that we are not invited for dinner, so at 4:30 I said it’s time to go. He said, “Oh it’s still early. Stay longer.” At 5:00 we got up to leave and we said good bye.

It was hard to know the social decorum in that situation. Was 5:00 too late? Was it part of the game of being polite to say that 4:30 was still early? Should I have just left then? I don’t really know how to play this game. They are good friends but I’ve never done this before.

But now I know I can invite someone over to chat without inviting them for a meal. It was so nice to spend a couple hours together without the stress of preparing a meal. I didn’t mind at all that I wasn’t there for a meal. The conversation and sharing was satisfying enough.

But I also wonder what I would do if they don’t leave? I would want them to leave before I have to go cook dinner. Do I then have to ask them to stay for dinner? But I wouldn’t have had anything prepared.

It’d be better if I had an excuse like “I have to leave at 5:30, are you free to come for coffee before that?”

That means I can only invite someone over for coffee if I had actual plans later so I wouldn’t be lying.

Life is difficult.


stored in: 2020

Hubby and I answering 36 Questions:

Q2: Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Me: I want to be famous like Mother Teresa.

Hubby: I want to be famous like Elon Musk.

Q9: For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Hubby: I am most grateful for you. Are you going to say you’re grateful for me?

Me: hmmm, ok.

Opposites attract, I guess.


Two first graders throwing crackers over the rail to courtyard below:

Me: Do you know why it’s wrong to do that?

No answer.

Me: Do you think it’s right to make church messy? Do you think it’s right that someone will have to clean up the mess you made? Now you tell me why it’s wrong.

Kids: It might hit someone. It makes a mess.

Me: Now you know it’s wrong. Let’s pray to ask God to forgive you.

Kids: Please forgive me for making someone do extra work.




What did you do today, mom?

I made the decision to postpone OWL and sent an email to parents to explain why.

I read and listened to sermons to prepare for a talk on Biblical womanhood.

I reviewed a book that I read to prepare to train children ministry leaders.

I planned and sent an email to the Sunday disciplers.

I prepared to lead a devo and prayer for VBS meeting.

I had lunch with my friends.

I cooked kumquat chicken.

I looked at pictures of my granddaughters multiple times.

I read the Bible.

I almost went to play tennis with a friend, but canceled it because we were both rushed.

I did 2 loads of laundry.

I talked to my husband about pensions and retirement. I wonder what it’s like to retire.

I enjoyed everything I did today.


01.26.2020 Sunday

God gave me the words and wisdom to talk to a disgruntle dad. At the end, he graciously said: I understand now that you explained it.

His response was better than expected. It’s all God’s work.

However, on Friday, another disgruntle dad was not as understanding. I was not the one talking to him, and I wish I was. But we’ve prayed about this, I wanted to empower our volunteer to talk to him, and I’m leaving this in God’s hands.

Had an encouraging conversation with SP during lunch. Her faith in practical everyday ways is inspiring. She has a deep desire to tell co-workers about Christ and willing to stay in her minimum wage job as a calling. She is so much more mature in her faith than me who is suppose to be a spiritual leader of the church. Praise God for people like her in our church. She reminds me of why I am here and how I can grow.

01.27.2020 Monday

Pastor’s retreat all day. I’m tired because I did something in the morning that I’ve never done before. I was up at 5:00am and couldn’t go back to sleep. So at 6:30 I went on the elliptical for 20 minutes before I got dressed.

It was good to hear the other pastors’ heart for their congregation.

I’m glad they get paid the big bucks for what they do.


stored in: General


I don’t remember that my husband and I have ever gone to Disneyland just the two of us. We did yesterday, because his office offered free tickets as a reward for a good year.

My husband doesn’t love Disneyland. The times I’ve gone is with my girls. So as I expected, he was ready to leave before I was ready to leave. To be fair, I’m not the most exciting person to go with to Disneyland. I don’t like the thrill rides whereas he would’ve enjoyed those. I’m happy going to Small World and Peter Pan. He fell asleep on those.

I like just walking around and looking at things. We clocked in over 23,5oo steps!

Since it’s a once in a lifetime date (we probably won’t go alone again unless we get free tickets again) we stayed through fireworks. He was glad he did, and I’m thankful he’s always agreeable to do whatever I want to do.


  • Fantasmic. And then we can see the fireworks in the same area without rushing to Main Street. Because it was a bit cold in the evening, the crowd, especially families with children, thinned out. We were able to get a good view.
  • Having lunch with his office people. There were about a dozen of them who came. Got to know them a bit. We were the oldest ones…none of the older agents in his office took the offer for free tickets. I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to go to Disneyland for free! I wouldn’t have mind hanging out with the people more, but we lost them after lunch.
  • Using the Disneyland app. The old days of the paper map are gone. It’s much more efficient with the phone. We pre-ordered Mickey beignets and skipped the line. Chose that over Dole whip because it was cold.
  • No lines at Pirates and Small World.
  • Storybook Land!
  • Jungle Cruise at night.

I liked the old Submarine where it felt “real”. Now with Nemo in there, it’s just another cartoon.

The wonder of Disneyland hasn’t been the same ever since Tomorrowland couldn’t keep up with tomorrow. I mean, I have a real self-driving car…the Monorail is no longer cutting edge like it used to be when I went as a child. They need to call Tomorrowland something else. But hopefully not based on a movie.

But I still love the artistry and imagination that went into the design of each ride in each land. The Haunted Mansion still amazes me. I still love Small World and Peter Pan.

The best thing was to know that I can walk 23,500 steps without problems and my husband and I can still be happy at the Happiest Place on Earth.

stored in: 2020

I’ve spent a lot of time in the last two days preparing for a 15 minute lesson for Awana.

The topic is Jesus the sacrifice. It can be taught very simply=Jesus died on the cross as a sacrifice for our sins.

But every child has heard it in the same way. I think they’ve tuned it out. To be honest, I know that so well too that it no longer stirs up amazement. Jesus’s sacrifice is much greater than a simple died-on-the-cross.

I want to teach atonement. I want to teach how God came near through the sacrificial system. I tried preparing a 15 minutes message in children’s terms that embodies the richness of sacrifice.

I couldn’t do it.

So I cut it down to this main outline: People try all kinds of ways to please God to forgive them and allow them into heaven. But there is only way that God will accept. There is only one that is sinless and perfect. That is Jesus.

I am satisfied with it. I’ll see how it goes over tonight.

I didn’t sleep well, maybe because I’m thinking about this. You’d think speaking to children is not difficult, but it’s not as easy as it looks. You have to take a big topic and make it understandable. Children’s messages should not be simple and boring. My fear is that my messages are simple and boring.

I am qi deficient – low energy. The remedy is reduce stress with more rest. Eat more fermented products. I need to buy some sauerkraut.




I borrowed this book from Aaron based on his review.

It took a while for me to read through this book. I actually learned a lot, in fact, gained a few life-changing insights. But it was just too heavy to face all my failings of these impossible commands, and having to confess my sins throughout the reading. I appreciate Christ and my salvation more as I see the high standards expected of us. Christ met all these impossible commands, and his righteousness is imputed to me. That’s impossible grace.

The way the author explained the concepts touches the heart and motives. I jotted down some points I want to remember:

God gives us the ability to obey his commands.

Interesting look at Lazarus when Jesus COMMANDED a dead man to come out of the tomb. How does he expect a dead guy to obey that command?? It’s an impossible command! In order for Lazarus to obey Jesus, Jesus would have to enable him, give him the power to obey.

Similarly, when God gives us commands, he also gives us the power to obey them.

Eight impossible commands were covered:

Love the Lord, always – Similar to loving your spouse, it’s not always a feeling but who we choose to love exclusive of others. What idols and other loves do we need to put to death in order to love God? Col 3:5

Rejoice in the Lord, always – Joy does not belong in the “feeling” bucket; it belongs in the “action” bucket. Jesus died for our joy John 17:13. Habakuk, my favorite book, rejoices in the midst of the worst case scenario Hab 3:17-18. Do I practice defiant joy by faith in the midst of suffering?

Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect – God is only one who can make us perfect. He did that through Jesus. Perfection is not a target we aim for but a gift we receive. It’s a standard Jesus has met and welcome us in. Pursue holiness without guilt.

Do not be afraid – Replace fear with a greater fear of God. Lift your eyes beyond the anxiety and see the greatness of God. He is far bigger than anything or anyone that we are afraid of.

Love one another – “Reactive” love is loving something we would naturally love. Active love is loving the unlovely – an impossible command. We love freely because Jesus loved us and we are freed from sin. The more we know who we are in Christ, the more we are free to love. Love takes risk to go outside and across the room. Maximal love is doing more than minimum. This hit home with me because I don’t love maximumly.

Give cheerfully – Everything we have belongs to God. We think of success as accumulating more so we can retire in luxury. That’s what the rich man in Luke 16 thought. His story could’ve ended well if he had given some of his riches away instead of building more barns. I liked the way the author wrote an alternative ending. It made me think what ending I will choose.

Be completely humble – Choose to be in the back of the line. It will free you up from striving. I like this picture as I am that person who tries to get ahead in the queue.

Run away – We will not naturally run away from an attractive sin unless we are attracted to a greater love. Ask God to turn our love from sinning to love him.

Joyless obedience is legalism. Careless disobedience is libertarianism. Joyful obedience is to take God’s commands seriously at the same time delight in God’s grace and forgiveness.

We can obey impossible commands with 4 steps – Admit I can’t, confess I’m sorry, ask God please help, then Let’s go to do it. No excuses.

stored in: 2020

I think I have the best job in the world. The pay is ok, the health benefits are great though, and we have a great staff.

I don’t know if I spoke out of line today at staff meeting. I process externally, and just say what I think. HL is the same, so if we disagree, it may sound bad. But that’s just the way we talk. I wish PT was there today, he can usually give clarity and he understands me. We don’t always agree, but we can agree to disagree.

I am thankful for our staff who challenges me to think differently. Though we may disagree, I respect their views and their final decisions. I didn’t always feel this way with my former church leadership. Maybe I was just less humble then.

I am also thankful for seeing the openness and maturity in our pastors. They admit their faults and where they need to grow. This staff is in some ways a small group for me. We don’t get too personal, but we do share our concerns and our spiritual walk. And having a shared common interest in ministry makes it easier for me to relate to them.

I am in a couple of groups, and I lead these groups. I am not in a group that I don’t lead, except staff meeting.

While I’ve been praying and keeping my eyes open for a mentor/coach for a while now, Pastor A has been in that role to me. Maybe I don’t need another. But maybe I don’t know what I’m missing by not having this type of relationship with a woman.

Maybe I like Pastor A because he’s not over sympathetic as women tend to be. He can just point out the facts, which I appreciate. Like when he told me I shouldn’t think about retirement. I don’t know if a woman would tell me that. I would imagine a woman would be sympathetic and tell me it’s ok to retire. I like people to challenge my thinking because I am sure I’m often wrong.

My husband doesn’t challenge me too often. He’s too nice and he loves me too much. Once in a while he’ll not give in to me, and then I get mad. I’ve been spoiled by him. But if other people point out my sin, I don’t mind it. I may react with defensiveness at a first response. But I do think about it and appreciate the challenge. Everyone should be open to criticism. Isn’t that how we grow?



stored in: 2020

I would simply go day to day without thinking if not for this blog that forces me to reflect. I’m sitting here struggling to reflect on yesterday!

01.12.2020 Sunday

I took time to talk to people, but it’s always in a hurry. I talked to my usual people at the children’s area, but I wanted to rush off to SS. I enjoyed SS and small group discussion, but I left early to rush back to Children Worship. I talked to Jeff and Man in Children Worship but I needed to rush to preach the message to the children.

I had to take care of two girls who were not picked up, and then I rushed to heat up my lunch. I stopped to talk to the ladies of children’s choir, but then I had to cut it short to rush to Karena’s sharing.

I did have one unhurried conversation before I went home. That felt really good. I’m glad I didn’t rush to attend the last part of VBS meeting.

By the time I got home it was almost 3. I rushed to get ready to go visit my granddaughter.

One of my new year resolutions is to practice hospitality. It doesn’t have to be dinner. It would be nice just to meet up with people. I met up with a collegian on Thursday for an unhurried lunch. It was great.

Maybe Sundays will just have to be rushed like that. Awana on Friday nights are not rushed for me. I hope I can make other times to have unhurried conversations.

Me in Children Worship: How many of you have heard of Joseph in the Bible?

New boy: I don’t know anything in the Bible. It’s my first time.

Love how kids just honestly tell you.

Me: Is the life of Joseph recorded in the OT or NT?

Kids: OT

Me: Do you know which book in the OT?

Kids: Matthew?

Me: A book in the OT

Kids: Luke? John?

I bet many adults don’t know either. I need to teach more from the OT.


stored in: 2020

We missed going to this Michelin-star restaurant when my cousins were in town in May last year. (We were in Hawaii, not complaining).

Our kids took us there today to celebrate January birthdays. Good times with granddaughters, including changing diapers.

Afterwards we went to Bopomofo, first time. I’m not their target market. I like boba but I don’t love boba. 25% sugar tasted like no sugar. I’m not impressed. I’m spoiled by boba in Taiwan.

It is God’s blessings that my kids are not rebellious, we love to spend time together, they continue to allow me in their lives, they all live in the area within reasonable driving distance, their spouses are comfortable being with us, they are self-sufficient, they are walking with Jesus.

I thank God for giving me what I’ve always wanted.

I waste a lot of time that could be used reading. If I’m serious about reading more this year, I need to stop looking at pictures of my grandbabies haha!

It’s so fun to have packages delivered. What did we do before online shopping?? I’m returning more than what I am keeping from Nordstrom Rack, but I’m sure they still make money on me. I don’t feel bad keeping only one pair of shoes for me and one pair for Amy.


stored in: 2020

I’ve said before that I hate getting old. In God’s plan and in his grace, he’s using the one person I struggle with to serve as an example of a person who models aging well.

To age well is to not complain – not complain about aches and pains, and about what could’ve been or could be better, not complain about how things were different and how young people do things wrong.

To age well is to not recant and lament the good ol’ days – no one wants to hear what it was like when you were young and the world was perfect.

To age well is to keep quiet – you may be an old sage, but unsolicited advice is annoying.

To age well is to serve others as best as you can – even with limitations do all you can to bless others.

To age well is to continue to push yourself to serve others – it’s ok to be uncomfortable and tired for a time in order to serve others. It’s worth it.

To age well is to accept the suffering as part of aging – you may not get better, but suffering makes you yearn for Jesus that much more.

To age well is to have a good mental attitude – choose joy, choose laughter, choose to compliment rather than criticize people.

To age well is to not fear death – everyone will face it sooner or later. Don’t stress over the inevitable and uncontrollable.

As they say: It’s not how long you live but how well you live.

I’ve lived relatively long.

I want to live well.

stored in: 2020

In office devo today, PT asked, “Where were you 10 years ago? 20 years ago? 30 years ago?”

He remembered he was in Israel at this exact time 10 years ago.

I don’t remember where I was 10 years ago. I don’t remember what was happening in my life then. I don’t remember the year my daughter or son got married. I remember when I got married.

I remember my children’s birthdays. I probably will not remember my grandchildren’s birthdays.

I don’t remember when we went to Japan or China or Vietnam or Europe or Canada or Mexico or Hawaii. I only know we had a great time!

I think that’s good enough.

I don’t remember when I put my trust in Jesus for the first time. I don’t remember all the people who taught me at church. But I’m sure they contributed to my faith to what it is today.

Kids at church won’t remember me when they grow up. But if they follow Jesus because of something I did, I think that’s good enough.

I put away my sewing machine. I am not motivated to make things unless I have a purpose.

My friend Lorin makes things to donate and give to friends. That is her ministry. It gives her pleasure. But I don’t find satisfaction in making things to give to people who already have a lot of things.

Maybe if I sell things I make and give the proceeds to missionaries, maybe it’ll motivate me. But I would think my time can be better spent praying for them. And I can still give them money I already have!

Crafts must be done for its own pleasure. I must love using my skills for crafts for the glory of God alone. I must believe that God will take pleasure when He sees me doing crafts. I must be somehow be rejuvenated to live for God when I do crafts. No other purpose will be big enough for me to put in the effort and time.



stored in: 2020


Senior pastor reminded us change is inevitable. Some people will be uncomfortable and grieve the past. I am thankful for him and the forward thinking. Changes make me feel alive.

But there are some things that cannot be changed easily – altar flowers; Sunday lunch. It’s these seemingly minor things that people hold on to with sentiments of the good ol’ days.


Relaxed after church with one of my favorite activities – browsing at Goodwill.

So many nice dishes and knick knacks that people are willing to give up. If they can give them up, I can too! I have to declutter some more. I don’t want to hold on to the good ol’ days.

Spent some time talking to a 3rd grader who splits his time between his divorced parents.

Boy: “My stepmom forces me to read the Bible.”

Me: “How does she force you?”

Boy: “If I don’t read the Bible, I don’t get to eat.”

Boy: “I like my new school. It’s really strict.”

Me: “Why do you like it strict?

Boy: “Because no one can bully you.”

Everyone has a God-given sense of justice. It was a good lead for me to talk to him about God’s grace when we fail.

I like kids who misbehave at church. They have parents who care and know enough to bring them to church. And they have a general sense of their sin because they know they get in trouble. It’s easy to show them God’s love. They are smart and have guts to challenge the system. They force me think about better ways to do ministry. How is the gospel applied? How does God’s Word come alive for them?





“Nancy, why are the Christmas decorations still up??” I was horrified!

Nancy immediately got on the phone to alert the appropriate people. Faithful volunteers are being mobilized to take down the decorations before Sunday. I hope it gets done.

Last Sunday I heard someone commented on why the decorations are still up past Christmas. But people expect them to be up through the end of the year, so it was ok. But it would be unforgivable if they were still there this Sunday!

It’s a different story at home. I like to keep decorations up as long as possible. It’s always a sad day when we take things down. I wait till the last day the city allows for trash pick up of trees. Unfortunately it’s this Monday, so we will take down the tree on Sunday. The living room will look bare. It will look sad.

I keep the Christmas cards up as long as possible until my hubby says it’s time. “It’s March, can I take down the cards now??” I reluctantly agree.


Awana highlight:

Becky: I haven’t changed a diaper for a long time!

Me: I haven’t either!

I took the challenge and changed the poopie diaper of a 2-year-old. No new technology in diaper changing.