I realize how little I expect from God by the prayers I pray. I have such low expectations from life.
What do I really want God to do in my life? What do I really want to see happen in the world around me?
Don’t I want God to do more than just easing the pain in my shoulders, or helping my daughter do well on her test?
I am going to start praying bigger prayers. I’m excited.
When a caller would complain to Dr. Laura about her spouse or about getting a divorce, her response would be something like - the person you hate now is the person you were once so in love with you couldn’t live without. You had babies with this person.
How is it that a couple could be inseparable and so happy one day, and in just a few short years, can’t stand to be in the same room with one another?
This is the havoc of sin. Left to ourselves, we are selfish, demanding, impatient, unforgiving - all those characteristics that does not make for getting along with people.
Left to ourselves, marriage wouldn’t work at all.
I think marriage only works when people look at marriage with a bigger perspective. Marriage is bigger than 2 people in love. It’s bigger than having kids. It’s bigger than buying a house and going on vacations together.
Marriage is sacred. It’s the foundation of every society. Marriage is 2 people willing to put aside their own desires for the family. Marriage is not to get what we want, but to give of ourselves for the sake of the next generation.
Marriage is not for the weak.
Ever have one of those days when you have time on your hands…and you don’t know what to do with it?
I have lots of things I want to do, need to do, and should do. But when the time is finally available to me, I don’t know where to start. My mind is in a million places and I can’t focus on one thing.
While being able to set my own schedule is a good thing, I can also end up undisciplined and unproductive.
So it is today…tomorrow I’ll settle down at my to-do list.
Several people came up to offer me help with the graduation celebration I am planning. They were not casually asking if I needed help. They actually offered specific help.
How nice to have people who volunteer without me having to ask.
While planning an event gives me the opportunity to interact with people, I find that I get too focused on the tasks that I overlook the people. I ask what they can do for me, instead of what I can do for them.
Case in point: I am planning an event to honor the graduates. I talk to one of the graduates to ask for help, and I didn’t even congratulate her on her recent graduation. I’m sorry Cinnie! Congratulations!! And you too, Tony, congratulations!! And anyone else I overlooked.
Planning details is not my strong point, and when I have to do it, I am just not at my best.
There should be as few tasks as possible so that people can focus on one another.
The previews were great, setting us up for a great movie.
It turned out that the previews were the best parts of the movie. The rest didn’t live up to expectations.
Things I liked about the movie “UP” - The dogs were soooo cute. Russel was an exemplary character with courage and compassion. All the characters were really cute - short and chubby. Oh, and the short in the beginning was really cute too. Yes, the movie was cute, but that’s about it.
Now for the things that were disappointing - There were hardly any special 3-D effects, you could’ve watched the whole movie without 3-D and wouldn’t miss anything. The basic storyline was too sad. That just puts a damper on the movie for me even though it had a good ending. The whole bad guy thing wasn’t right. He was not really a bad guy, but was made so sinister that it didn’t fit.
I don’t think “Up” is up there with Ratatouille and Cars.
With my oldest son, everything was a first - first to check out a preschool, if it’s good, the sisters will follow along later. First to enter kindergarten, first to go to one week of 6th grade science camp, first to go through the complicated process of choosing classes for high school, first to write essays for college applications, first to move into the college dorm, first to go through college commencement. I expect he will be the first to move out on his own.
With my son, being the first, there was a sense of adventure, of new beginnings.
My youngest daughter just graduated from middle school today. With her, everything is last - Last time I plan a kindergarten party, last time being room mom for elementary school, last time I chaperon a field trip, last time I attend a school concert.
Today was the last time I attend a middle school promotion.
As my daughter goes through each stage of her life, I say good bye to those phases of life as a mom.
I heard it said that a good parent is one who works himself/herself out of a job.
I suppose I should be glad that I’ll be unemployed in a few years. Sigh…
I know, the details do not all fit, but i still liked it. I like the Artemis Fowl series because it’s fun reading, a little humor, a little action, and lots of imagination.
Everyone wants to be Artemis Fowl - a boy genius with a criminal mind, but deep inside, he has a soft heart and a sense of justice. He has all kinds of gadgets, outwits the magical fairies, plans several steps ahead, anticipates his enemies’ every move, has a large muscular well-trained bodyguard who cooks, and yes, he’s filthy rich.
I think I’ve read all the Artemis Fowl books by Eoin Colfer (pronounced Owen). But there are a few thing I don’t like about The Lost Colony. The end is left with some questions setting itself up for the next book, the enemies are not smart enough, and in some situations, Artemis Fowl acts out of character.
But overall it’s mindless fun reading, good for a lazy day.
I’ve not read a biography of Hudson Taylor until now. I borrowed this book from Bonnie.
Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret by Howard and Geraldine Taylor is apparently a fairly brief version of Hudson Taylor’s life, less than 200 pages. With the full life he lived, I can imagine how big a book his life story can fill.
As I read how Taylor put his faith in God, I felt sad about 2 things:
1. What happened to the England that was once practically the center of Christendom? Great Christian men and women such as Charles Spurgeon, John Wesley, Florence Nightingale, and of course Hudson Taylor came out of England in those days . Now we don’t hear much of Christian influence there anymore. Perhaps more sad to me is the prediction that the US is heading down the same path. We will be asking, “What happened to the US that once had such outstanding Christian leaders as Billy Graham, Bill Bright, and Rick Warren? The US used to send out great missionaries like Jim Elliot. What happened??”
2. I am sad to admit that I have no where near the passion and the love for the lost as Hudson Taylor. And I wonder why I don’t see more miracles in my life?
In the Foreword of the book, E.M. Bounds wrote: “The church is looking for better methods; God is looking for better men…What the church needs today is not more machinery … but men whom the Holy Ghost can use - men of prayer, men mighty in prayer.”
Hudson Taylor was such a man. His prayer was not inaction, but his prayer moved him to courageous action, action with risk, with suffering, and with perseverance . He was willing to count his own life as nothing, lived with no worldy luxuries, gained no possessions for himself. As a result, he saw miracles from God and an intimacy with God that few can experience.
What an inspiration!
This news story of a gunman charging into the First Baptist Church in Illinois reminded me of a similar incident many years ago when I was in college when our pastor was shot and killed.
Greg Owyang of First Chinese Baptist Church of Los Angeles was a up and coming Asian American pastor. This was in the day before the term Asian American was even popularly used. He had a gift and the insight into reaching the American born segment of young Chinese Christians. He was a great preacher, exemplifying the style used by Asian Americans preachers today of telling stories and using humor. That was uncommon among Chinese preachers then.
Greg, in his mid 30’s, was sitting at the stage of the church to prepare to preach one Sunday like every other Sunday, when a disgruntle congregant walked into the worship service with a gun and fired shots at the stage. One of the elders, Fook Kong Li, and Greg Owyang, were fatally shot.
Fook Kong Li was a successful businessman who gave large sums generously to Christian ministries. He was on the Board of Trustees at BIOLA. I had been to Fook Kong’s house (with a tennis court) on several occasions for church activities. He was leading singing that day, standing up at the podium when the shots were fired.
I was not attending that church that day, but the news of the shooting shook the Christian community, especially the Chinese, with a deep sense of grief and loss. Both men who died were extraordinary Christians, faithfully serving the Lord.
I can’t imagine what life was like for the spouses and family There are no answers adequate for these types of circumstances. I do know that both spouses continued in their faithful work for the Lord. Greg’s wife comforted me and gave me some perspective when I lost my baby.
The verse that kept me sane when I was grieving was John 6:68 “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.” No matter what our circumstances, the Lord is God. We need go nowhere else.
On Sunday at church, our speaker Daniel told us of a conversation with a man he had in China. Daniel asked him how he would like to be different in 10 years. The man replied, “I would like to be less selfish.”
That is a tremendously insightful answer.
I hate to be confronted with my selfishness. Just today, I felt angry because I had to go out of my way to do something for someone else. I was not happy about it. I was selfish.
It’s easier to remain selfish if you are single. When you are married, you are constantly being tested to be giving, to serve, to be unselfish.
People want to get married for the obvious reasons of companionship, love, etc., etc. But they don’t realize (I didn’t realize) until a couple of years into the marriage that selfishness is one thing that you have to deal with, or your marriage will not last. If you remain selfish, you will end up divorced, or very, very miserable. You will cause your spouse to be miserable, and you will not be happy being selfish.
People think they can get married, and have a good relationship while remaining basically the same person. They think they can still do what they want, still act the way they want, and insist on “exercising their rights.” But marriage is about merging of 2 separate people into 1. Something’s gotta give. Whatever that suits only you and not the both of you cannot remain. There is no “I”, everything is “we”.
I think it’s very hard for someone who is used to doing their own thing, being in control, and having their own way to be married. I think if you are looking for someone who makes you happy, or you “just want to be happy”, or you think marriage will be “so happy”, don’t get married.
There is no immediate happiness when you have to deal with your selfishness.
When I was in my 20’s, I wanted to go on a missions trip. But I didn’t have a strong conviction to go. It went along with being immature and lacking in confidence. The church I went to didn’t encourage short-term trips. I didn’t hang around people that went on short-term trips.
My pastor did suggest that I help a church in Chicago for a summer with their children’s program. My parents didn’t think it was a good idea, again I didn’t have a strong urge to go, so I didn’t.
But somewhere in the back of my mind and heart, I still want to go on a cross cultural experience for ministry, just to see what it’s like.
Unlike some people who like to travel, I can take it or leave it. My thought is that if I went somewhere, i would want to go for a purpose.
This summer, I am going to Taiwan on a short term trip, vicariously…
My good friend Bonnie will be going on her first missions trip to teach English to at-risk children. I walked with her in her journey - from the time she was looking for an opportunity that fits her schedule, praying for her parents’ approval, writing her reference letter, hearing about the books she’s reading in preparation (and reading one of them myself), and reading her blog about her thoughts and personal growth.
I feel like I’m going with Bonnie to Taiwan…and in a sense, I am. As I pray for her, God will use the prayers to give me a part in Bonnie’s ministry.
If you would also like to go to Taiwan in prayer, please go to her blog, sign her guestbook to let her know that you are praying for her.
Over 20 years ago, my husband and I wrote a bucket list. One of the things we said we want to do was to live in a foreign country for 6 months to a year. I am thinking that when my last child is settled in college, I am going to follow Bonnie’s footsteps, and go to Taiwan, in person.
I’m looking at 6 years from now.
I find it hard to measure success without counting numbers.
Graphs, Dow Jones, number of sales, dollars in revenue, number of homeruns, scores on a test. We seem to always measure performance by some sort of counting.
What I am saying is, I think I’ve lived a good life, I am happy with my life, but I don’t feel successful because I don’t have any numbers to show for it - no income, no account balance, no fans, no significant number of visitors to my website, no one calling me to ask my advice.
When I was doing well in real estate, I felt succesful. I can count the number of sales, the amount of money I made, number of clients I had. I was stressed, but I felt successful.
Now I am totally happy, but I feel I have to make money. I don’t care about money per se. I just want to have a measure to say that I am successful. I want to make money and give it away.
I don’t normally go to mission conferences because I always respond to any appeal for help.
I know if I hear of a need, I’d want to volunteer to help. So before I went to the OMF conference, I made myself promise not to sign up for anything.
I was itching to sign up for their Bridge Asia volunteer program. I am considering being a mentor.
My sister lent me the book Falling Leaves, The Memoir of an Unwanted Chinese Daughter, by Adeline Yen Mah.
Adeline tells of her life growing up in a prominent Chinese family with wealth, but not love acceptance. (I hesitate to say she lacked love because love could’ve been expressed in ways that she didn’t see. However, acceptance was definitely lacking from her family.)
I don’t like books that are too sad or too painful, so as I do with every book, I skimmed Falling Leaves first, and read the ending. I decided that it was worth reading through.
Adeline was born in the 30’s and grew up in China. She described going through several significant periods of history in China including WW II, civil war between Nationalist and Communist, the Cultural Revolution, and all the political and economic changes in Hong Kong. It was very informative to see at eye level a bit of Chinese history that my parents most likely went through.
I identified some of the struggle for identity that Adeline went through. Let me clarify, I did not suffer the kind of rejection Adeline did. But I identify with the cultural dynamics of a Chinese family. Looking as an outsider at another Chinese family, I see what my family must look like, to some extent.
The book helped me to understand a bit of my roots, but not in a positive way. As a Chinese American growing up in White America, I was one of 4 Asians at my elementary school. One was my sister, and the other 2 were a set of brothers. So basically there were 2 Chinese families at my school. I’ve worked hard on not being too “Chinese”.
Since Adeline’s family exemplified the worst espects of Chinese culture, I understand now what it is about Chinese culture that I dislike - people are valued by the amount of money they have or don’t have, the lack of affection and affirmation from parents, the saving face and putting up a good front, the lack of compassion for the weak and lowly. I detest these values, yet they still occasionally surface in my life and I have work hard at going against these ingrained tendencies.
Adeline was much happier when she immigrated to America. It was her second husband, an American-born Chinese, who gave her the love and support that she lacked from her own family. I too am glad I don’t live in China!
An easy to read book, very engaging, and I learned something.
When we say Christianity is a relationship, not a religion, what does that really mean?
How can you have a relationship with an invisible and infinite Being?
I had an insight at church today.
From what I read, all other religions require its followers to adhere to a set of standards, a system of worship, or some kind of ritual to approach their god. The god is distant and so highly exalted that he is unknowable and full of mystery. There is no way to predict what he would do next. People are at his mercy.
The Christian God on the other hand has made himself known to us. He did not send prophets or writings, but came to us personally in the person of Jesus Christ so that we can see Him and know Him. Everything He requires of us hinges on getting us to seek to know Him, not just to worship Him from a distance as a subject.
Take prayer for instance. God did not give us a system to pray, ie if we fulfill certain requirements such praying 3 times a day, 15 minutes each time, and if we gave 10% of our money, then He hears our prayers. N0.
God made prayer into a way for us to learn more about Him. We are to pray as a way to find out what He wants. In the process of prayer, we get to know His will. It’s not a matter of getting what we want from God, but it’s to find out what He wants - His priorities, what He cares about - who He is.
Another example - giving. God did not require a certain amount to satisfy Him. He wants us to give so that we learn to trust Him, to see His love for us when he gives us more than what we gave out, and to share in the work He is doing when we give towards His work.
Everything about Christianity is set up by God in such a way to lead us to know Him.
We might wish it to be easier - tell me the rules, I follow them and I’m in - NO. God didn’t want that kind of cold interaction. He wants us to know Him - a relationship.
We might misunderstand that a relationship with God means a fuzzy feeling, a strong emotional desire, or hearing a voice. Those may be elements of a relationship, but they do not define relationship.
Christianity is a relationship unlike other religions because God set up the system for us to know Him, not a system of rituals to appease Him. It’s a life long process, not a one time act.
Did famous and influential people have it as their goal in life to be famous and influential? When they were children, did they say, “I am going to be famous author”, then charted a path to be a famous author? Or “I want to be a real estate tycoon” and designed their life to buy real estate?
Or did famous and influential people ended up that way without a clear plan? Did they begin writing one day and discovered that people liked what they wrote? Did they buy one house, and had an opportunity to buy another one, and another, and before they knew it, they had a mass holding of real estate?
I did not have very lofty goals when I was growing up. I suppose some people have it in their life goal to get into the Guinness Book of Records. It was not my aim to be rich and famous, or to achieve something unique. I lived day to day, lived the best I knew how, be kind to my fellow man, helped the old lady cross the street, that kind of thing.
The only thing that I remember wanting from life was to be married and have kids. And I wanted to raise my own kids, not send them to a daycare or a babysitter. I wanted my kids to grow up to be good Christian people, who do not follow the ways of the world, but to follow God’s greater plan for them.
If I were to die today, would I be satisfied with what I’ve accomplished?
Indeed I’ve pretty much accomplished my goal. I’ve lived a good life and I’ve raised 3 pretty good kids.
But since it seems that I am not going to be dying today, I’d like to do a little more.
Should I chart a path towards something I want to accomplish? Or do I continue to do things that come my way, maybe end up accomplishing something great?
Is life to be lived day to day, or are you suppose to have a plan?
Is it true that “if you aim at nothing, you’ll end up with nothing”? Or is it true that “If you don’t aim at anything, you won’t miss”?
Let me know your thoughts.
My sister took me to Alicia’s for lunch today. Alicia’s is a quaint cafe with hefty signature sandwiches, fresh baked goods (muffins, cookies, cakes), and a friendly atmosphere run by the owner, Alicia, and her 3 daughters.
I want to own a place like Alicia’s.
I know it’s hard work - Alicia said she works 90 hours a week.
I know more small businesses fail than succeed.
I know it’s not as fun as it looks.
But I want to see if I have what it takes to make a successful business. My husband had his chance, and now that my kids are almost all grown, I want to have my chance.
A few years ago, we made an offer to buy a bagel shop. I had all kinds of ideas for it - summer jazz nights, catering to business lunches, breakfast for special community events.
But the seller did not accept our offer. In retrospect, I don’t know if I can handle waking up at 4am to get ready for the breakfast crowd. So maybe God spared me from my own folly.
I still have a dream to own a little business. What I want is a bed-and-breakfast. I’ve been wanting one for a long time. My kids will be on their own, and my husband and I will live in the bed and breakfast. If there are no customers, I’ll enjoy the house. When there are customers, I already have the breakfast menu figured out. There’ll be a homemade baked good of the day, and Bible study and prayer a couple times a week.
When my husband and I die, if my kids want to run the business, they can have it. But when they sell the house, I will stipulate that the money goes to BIOLA. This is the legacy I want to leave.
Will I have time to realize this dream? All I need now is merely $2 million.
After I finished reading The Life You’ve Always Wanted by by John Ortberg last year, I wanted to read If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat, as recommended by Nat. But I don’t spend money to buy books (I read what I can borrow from people or from the library.)
Then lo and behold, a few weeks ago, I saw the book on my son’s bookshelf. I’m going through it slowly because there are many principles in there that I am thinking through. I highly recommend it.
As I am facing “mid-life crisis” at this stage of my life, Page 49 was very relevant to me. “From the story of the talents we learn that heaven will be nothing at all like an eternal retirement village. In fact, heaven will be that place where we finally experience the fullness of adventure, creativity, and fruitfulness we were made for.”
What has been bothering me as I approach the last 1/3 to 1/4 of my life is the feeling that I haven’t done enough, and I’ve failed in some of my endeavors. With only 20 good years left, there is not enough time left in my life to do much more.
Ortberg’s insight into the parable of the talents says that though the servants were given quite a vast sum to invest - one servant was given 5 talents, a talent was in the neighborhood of 15 years’ wages - this was considered just a few things.
There is much more to come.
Matthew 25 says, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.”
One of the things I want to do in this world is to have a foundation where I can give money away to Christian ministries that have a small niche but not well funded. While everything is possible, unless God intervenes, I don’t think I’ll be able to realize this dream. I don’t think I can make several millions in the next few years (if you have any ideas for me to do this, legally, please let me know and we can joint venture.)
Now I realize that no matter how much money I can give away, or how much I do in this world, it will be considered just a few things compared to what God has for me to do later. I don’t have to try to do it all here on earth. In heaven, there will be more to do, and most likely greater likelihood of success.
Being the youngest in my family, I’ve always felt young because my brothers and sisters are there to take care of me. Even now, I look to them that way. I’ve never felt like I’m grown up.
I am glad that growing old on earth doesn’t mean I will be retired in heaven. It will be a place where I will experience the fullness of adventure, creativity, and fruitfulness. I will still be young.
It would make sense for us to continue to use the talents God has given us. Using them on earth is merely the beginning, a test of our faithfulness.
Now with the new insight into the relative small amount that I’ve been given on earth and that I can be “young” again and do more in heaven, I am beginning to accept the fact that I am getting older…just beginning to…
…is they die.
Unless you have a turtle, chances are your pet will die before you. And if you have more than one pet like we did, you have to go through grieving several times.
It’s too sad, too emotionally draining.
Our bunny Smokey died today…
I learned that if I try to manipulate a situation, God will allow my plans to change so that His will be accomplished.
In the recent one-day Mexico mission trip, I asked people to volunteer at various locations. But I also used my “executive power” to put certain people in specific locations with the intent of doing what I think is best for them.
As it turned out in one case, the person I put in a location where I thought was a favor to him turns out not wanting to be there. So in the end, I changed him back to where he asked to be in the first place.
That probably makes no sense to anyone reading this, but to me, it was an incident where I saw the hand of God at work in an unexpected way.
God taught me that my wisdom is not that wise. He taught me to continually submit to Him. He taught me to ask Him first.