Hudson Taylor was convicted that God wanted him to get more workers to China. But knowing the dangers and difficulties, he feared that it would his responsibility if they break down, and “bitterly reproach me for having encouraged them to undertake an enterprise for which they were unequal.” Their blood would be on his hands.

Finally, after much agonizing, “I told Him that all the consequences must rest with Him, that as His servant, it was mine to obey and follow Him – His, to direct, to care for, and to guide me and those who might labor with me.”

To a lesser degree, I feel this responsibility for those whom I ask to serve with me. Even in small matters, such as asking Sunday School teachers to come early, or come to training on a Saturday, I feel I am taking away their family time, or making them sacrifice, or make them tired if they have to wake up early. I don’t want to put extra burdens on people to help with childcare, or help bring snacks, or come early to set up. They may “bitterly reproach me for having encouraged them to undertake an enterprise for which they were unequal.” And if they don’t want to do it, I don’t want them to feel guilty. That would not set them on a right relationship with God.

Today I learned as Taylor said, all consequences must rest with God. He is in control, let him take care of the people. I do my part to ask for what I believe is right and needs to be done for God’s service. I’ll have to leave the consequences to God.


Delicious corn beef for dinner, so good! I look forward to this every year. Bought a second corn beef for later so I don’t have to wait for next March 17th for another delicious meal.

Another case of me not being a good planner with no mind for details: I planned a training for this Saturday many months ago. The most important part was getting the speaker and get the publicity going. I got that. Thought I was done. Then now, 4 days before the event, I haven’t arranged for the recording, I didn’t ask people to help with setting up the room, I haven’t thought of getting snacks, I didn’t ask for sign ups (I figured people can just come, but then I don’t know how much snacks to buy), I’m scrambling for childcare (though this is optional, it would be a nice service to those with babies). I want a team of people who would love to do this stuff. I promise, I’ll have that team ready for training set for next month! Keeping my fingers crossed that God will provide them.


An ADHD child today at church was a challenge. I have zero experience with special needs children.

In high school I considered being a Special Ed teacher. But after visiting a SPED school, I couldn’t handle facing their disabilities. It was too depressing.

At church now as God brings us a few children with special needs, I still don’t know the proper way to help them. My only concern with the boy with ADHD was to keep him safe, keep him from running out of the room, which was an impossible task. We are not professionals and we do not know how to handle him.  He doesn’t respond to reason, to authority, or any kind of urging. His mother did not know what to do either. There is only one way to help, that is to pray. I haven’t prayed enough for the children. I need more people to pray for the children.

When people ask me what help I need in Children Ministry, I used to say we need more Awana Leaders, or nursery helpers. Now I say I need people to pray. But people don’t take me seriously. They expect to help in a “practical” way. That’s how American Christians think. In Taiwan, Christians seem to take prayer more seriously.

Young married couples fellowship today was encouraging. I thank God for their encouragement to me even though I am suppose to be the mentor.

stored in: 2019

I struggled in preparing for the message for Awana tonight. The theme is courage, Joshua 1:9. I didn’t want to teach the usual that the children have heard many times. Praise God He gave me a message about Paul’s courage. After thinking about it since last week, I made the final revision this afternoon and gave the message tonight. The children were all engaged, it went well. A leader told me that the message spoke to her, she needs courage in serving more. That was a big blessing.

When my teaching goes well, I know it is God’s work through me. I would like to think I am naturally talented, but I know I’m not. Whenever I start to pat myself on the back, I remember Deuteronomy 8, it is God who gives us the ability to produce. Thank you God, for affirming the leadership position I’m in. You put me in this position, and you help me do what you’ve called me to do. Apart from you, I can do nothing.

Stayed around church talking to people till almost 10:30pm. I like it when no one wants to leave. My old church was like that too. I’ll have a day of rest tomorrow to prepare for Sunday.




Since my daughter is in Orlando for the Ligonier Conference, I decided to listen to some of it on FB Live. The theme is Holiness.  This stood out:

God does not bless great talent so much as Christlikeness.

A holy believer is an awesome weapon in the hand of God. Regardless of your IQ.

God chooses to use holy vessels.

We SAY we believe in this, but we don’t really make leadership decisions based on this. We follow the ways of the world.

We look for talent, abilities, charisma. I am impatient with incompetent people. I am angry at my own incompetence. I wish I was more talented and smarter.

I should instead work on my holiness, not only my effectiveness.

Finished all my Perspectives reading today. And finished preparing for Awana message for tomorrow. Urgent tasks done, now I can work on ongoing projects.

stored in: 2019

(Posted on March 12)

I’ve got another wreath under my belt. This is my third. It all started at Christmas when my DIL asked if I wanted to make a Christmas wreath with her. She bought all the material. We got cuttings from our Christmas tree, watched a few youtube tutorials, and made our first fresh wreath.

This wreath I made today is from cuttings of lavender from my friend Denise’s yard. But I needed more filler, so I cut some branches from our neighbor’s tree that hung over our wall. The thing about wreaths that I like is that it doesn’t have to be perfect. It looks nice no matter what, even if it’s a bit uneven. And I like bringing in a bit of the outdoors. A friend commented that I have a lot of plants. I never thought of it that way. My plants are not all nicely displayed. I just pot them and put them on the table. I’ll have to work on display. But I’m too cheap to buy nice pots.

The only problem with wreath making is, I have to forage for more material. I usually take a bit off a plant that I like and see how long it lasts. There are some nice green stuff at church, but they wilt within a day. The foliage have to look decent for at least 3-4 days.

My daughter left for Florida for the Ligonier conference tonight – midnight flight. I am proud of her and grateful to God for giving her a strong desire to know God. I love Bible conferences too, so perhaps she takes after me. But now with everything online, I can still hear the messages, though it’s not the same. But too much knowledge is dangerous.

stored in: 2019

Sometimes weekend doesn’t seem like “weekend” to me. My “weekend” day off is Monday.

But yesterday, Saturday, finally felt like a weekend. I made some paleo nut bars that I’ve been wanting to make. I took a walk to relax. Then my family met up for dinner. We don’t eat out much so going out to eat always feels like a “weekend”, it’s something special. Even though I did a bit of “work” to prepare for Sunday, it didn’t feel demanding.

Today, Sunday, was a fun day too. I didn’t have to teach. I mean, teaching is fun too, but it is a bit of stress with my attention entirely focused. A day of no teaching is sort of a day off. I caught up with people. The Ministry Fair was no stress. I like events where I am not involved in the planning; I can merely show up and do my part. Everything for the Ministry Fair was all set up nicely for me. I didn’t even have to make a sign. I just show up and talk to people, which is my greatest joy and easy for me.

The thing I do miss is worship. I used to attend evening service at another church. But I haven’t done so since my sabbatical. I also have Perspectives class which makes it impossible to go to evening service. It’s also winter where I am not motivated to go out at night.

Perspectives class is my source of learning and edification right now. Today’s lesson was again both convicting and enjoyable. A few quotes that spoke to me:

Don’t let the enemy stop you. Say no to his lies.

Say yes to God, and put one foot in front of the other.


stored in: 2019

I love to listen to podcasts. I can multi-task: listen to a sermon while cleaning the bathroom, learn about apologetics while stretching.

Today PT and I recorded a podcast. It’s harder than it sounds. Found so many ways to improve when we listen to ourselves. But I wanted to do this, and got PT into it, because I think it’s a good way to communicate a message. We want to forward the vision of our church so listeners can join in God’s mission for our church. They only hear the vision once a week, how can they really understand it? I’m excited about what God is doing at our church and hope the podcast can help people see that too. And I hope our future podcasts will be better!

So much rain recently, bad for my bones. I have aches and pains, another sign of aging. That’s life; thank God I have hope that one day in heaven all pain and suffering will cease. I’m that much closer to heaven.


We had internet issues at home last night. Posting this from yesterday.

I am reminded once again that God is in control. He is good and he answers prayers.

Prayers are not about getting them answered the way we want, but answers that bring glory to God, and accomplishes His purposes.

Just in brief, so I will remember this later, my dear friend SP’s baby died in utero at 14 weeks, but she did not want to do a D & C as the doctor recommended. She decided to trust God and wait for a natural miscarriage. She held on to the baby in her womb for two weeks. Then God answered in His timing in a miraculous way.

Today, she did end up with a D & C, so where is the answered prayer? Where is the miracle?

By waiting, the doctor changed his heart. As a doctor who performs abortions, SP’s doctor initially told her she cannot see the baby, “the fetus” is only “tissues”. But upon SP’s insistence to wait so she can deliver her baby whole, and be given the chance to hold and kiss the baby she named Uriah, the doctor said today he will try to take the “baby” out whole. He said BABY. An abortion doctor said a 14 week old in the womb is a BABY. That is a miracle. His change is a miracle. He took the baby out all intact except for a tear of one arm which he tried to reattach. And God answered SP’s prayer to see hold and kiss Uriah. And not only that, I believe He is doing something in the heart of that doctor.

I am praying that this doctor will not be able to rest. I pray that God give him dreams and show Himself to this doctor as a God who forgives repentant sinners, but will not let evil doers go unpunished.

stored in: 2019

I listened to a coaching podcast advising people to take small steps towards a goal. The feeling of a small win would encourage us to keep moving forward. The example of the host was to exercise. Instead of getting discouraged and mad at herself that she’s not exercising, she started with just setting her running shoes out every morning. That was doable and it felt good. Then she got up half an hour earlier every morning. Another pat on the back. Pretty soon, since she was up anyway, she started putting the shoes on and going outside.. Six months later she ran a half-marathon!

So my first step today towards cleaning up my home office: I got out an empty box, to be used to put stuff that I don’t want.Then I took an old Uno Attack game, emptied the old batteries, and put it in the giveaway pile.  I’m happy I did that. Whenever I look at my messy office I don’t know what to do. Now I can just take a step at a time. Cleaning up and dealing with details is not my thing. But I want to simplify my life of clutter, so I must take steps forward. I even threw away some photos today that do not spark joy. So instead of being disgusted at myself for not cleaning up the office, I pat myself on the back for taking a step.

My husband got what he wanted from Costco today – ice cream bars. I got what I wanted – crispy coconut rolls. I know, there’s sugar in it that I’ve cut out of my diet, but these are worth it.


In Children’s Worship today:
Me: Jesus knew he would one day go back to heaven. He needed to choose disciples who would continue to do his work. What kind of person should he choose?
3rd grade boy: Me!

Perspectives class was great. The speaker did a first person of Hudson Taylor, my hero. Went out to dinner with the group afterwards. I went strictly for the company and definitely not for the food because I would never choose to go to Souplantation. I eat keto and there’s nothing I can eat there. I will probably suffer some digestive symptoms tomorrow. Fortunately I had a big shabu shabu lunch with a good amount of meat.

A parent asked me to have lunch with her today to give her advice for her teenage daughter. Throughout the lunch I was praying for wisdom. I don’t want to give my own opinions and I don’t want to give bad advice. I thank God that more than once in our conversation, I felt God gave me the words to say.

Just got an email from a Sunday School teacher with a problem I need to solve before next Sunday! I’m not going to think about it and get rest tomorrow my day off.


A well-meaning young lady at church asked me with all sincerity, “Do you work everyday? What do you do all day?”

Before I started working full time in ministry, I had the same thought about what pastors do. Yes, I know it takes a long time to prepare a sermon, and then what?

Now I know, there’s so much to do I don’t have enough time. And often it’s not the amount of time, it’s the thinking and that takes endless amount of time. And my mind doesn’t stop when I leave the church.

This week, I hardly had time to prepare my sermon for the children. It’s not something I can just sit and whip up. It takes thought and care. Phone calls and texting, visits to people, meetings, talking to people to work out schedules, planning for next steps, coordinating, developing and implementing ways to be more effective in children’s ministry. It’s the kind of work that you can’t just finish. There’s always more to do. It’s a creative process that is ongoing. Everything is based on relationships and connections. I suppose there are people who are more efficient doing what I do. I’m not that person.

Yeah, I don’t even know how to explain what I do all day. Preparing for the sermon is only a small part.

I left Awana early because I have an early meeting tomorrow. And I want to do my Perspectives reading.


An ultrasound did not detect the heartbeat of the baby.

This is the second time this year I accompanied a mom to an ultrasound. The first one was joyous with results we hoped for. This one was not what we hoped for. We cried, yet, there’s hope. I sensed the parent’s peace. We know our babies are in heaven with Jesus, right now, praising God.

Read Psalm 139 as a baby singing this psalm -

For You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand, I awake, and I am still with You.

God’s Word brought peace, and even a bit of joy with the assurance that we will be praising God together with our babies in heaven.

stored in: 2019

If I was not a Christian, I would miss out on the life of the church. The church is a big part of a Christian’s life. Church should not be the only thing in a Christian’s life, but it is a big part. Church may look different in different cultures, but the love and unity would be the same.

I am blessed to be a part of our church community where we experience love and unity, This is especially evident in our young married couples group where we serve as mentors. The couples are so loving, open, and fun. They mentor me as much as I mentor them. We met today and it was very encouraging.

We only got 45 minutes of Perspectives class today because we had to leave for the group. I want to read my homework, but my mind is full. I think taking a shower and having some quiet time with God would be a good way to end this joyful day of Sabbath.


Uttering a few words of prayer doesn’t seem like much. Even if it was heartfelt, passionate, deep, long – whatever “good” prayer looks like, do those words make a difference?

The obvious answer from any devoted Christian is yes. But why? How do words I say translate into changes in real life?

Logically speaking, prayer doesn’t make much sense. It may make us feel better, it may relief some stress, etc. but it doesn’t make sense that saying some words to God can do anything in the material world.

I read this in Truth78 today and it made sense:

Bottom line—prayer matters! . . . It matters because God is pleased to accomplish His unstoppable purposes through the prayers of His people. 

In a mysterious way, God himself provided a way in which He would use our words said to him to accomplish his purposes.

If you were to ask someone for a favor, especially someone in high authority, you would be wise to prepare a nice speech. But with prayer to the Creator of heaven and earth, it matters not how you say it, who it’s said by, all ages, all language, any form – amazing how prayer works!

We take it too lightly.


ughhh, the floral wire I bought was cheaper at Michaels and I wouldn’t have had to wait for it to be shipped! I love both Amazon and Michaels, but now I love Michaels more. Especially because they gave me a $5 off coupon, which I used today.

Went kumquat picking with Elliot and Nancy, and then dinner. Good time hanging out and talking. Learned about Andrew Yang and Milton Friedman from Elliot.

The day is too short. I want to read my Perspectives.

stored in: 2019

I’m not good with details. I don’t like to plan things. I used to do ok with it, but now I get stressed out planning things.

But I want to invite people to my house, I want to be hospitable because the Bible says so. It’s a way invite people in to build relationship and a better environment for conversation than a restaurant.

I invited a few people over for dinner after Perspectives class tonight. I decided dinner doesn’t have to be fancy, my house doesn’t have to be perfect, my plates and cups don’t have to match. That’s just pride for me if those externals look great. I don’t want my deficiency in details hinder me from exercising hospitality.

We had great sharing, telling each other what God has done and is doing in our lives. And that’s all that matters.

I was able to attend worship service today and left it to the very wonderful volunteers to run Children Worship. It is still hard for me to focus because I’m looking around to see who is there, who I need to talk to, thinking about what I need to do after. I’m working on getting back to the heart of worship – it’s all about Jesus.

stored in: 2019

I feel accomplished today.

I made a wreath that I’ve been wanting to do for a while. Walked up the street to a corner house with a cypress bush I’ve been eyeing. In broad daylight I cut some branches. It’s a big bush, on a corner slope, I’m sure no one cares. Crafting the wreath was fun, I enjoyed working on it while listening to a Family Life podcast on marriage with Crawford Loritts.

I decided I should do more things that spark joy in my life.

Why does this world have to operate on “no pain no gain”? Why can’t it be true that “cheesecake is really good for you”?

Most of my problems are because I don’t exercise. I haven’t done anything to fulfill my new year resolution to exercise. I put that resolution down every year, and nothing motivates me. I don’t like any of the options open to me, because they all take effort. My sister says if I pay for gym membership I’ll go to get my money’s worth…but it didn’t work. I can go play badminton at church on Thursdays which I enjoy, but I enjoy staying at home to read more. And it doesn’t help that my husband doesn’t want to exercise either. And he needs to, he has high blood pressure.

Other than going out to cut the cypress branches, I was home all day. Spent an inordinate amount of time reading about different essential oils! If it wasn’t for the invention of the internet, I’d probably go outside more.


stored in: 2019

Another great Awana night. What makes it good are the volunteers. They not only get the job done, but does it with enthusiasm, joy, going the extra mile. And the true test of a dedicated volunteer is that they would do it again, and again and this team does! I am blessed to be a part of this team.

Worked at home today, but it’s not comfortable because the dining table and chair is not ergonomically set up for working on my laptop. I like my office at church with a big window.




stored in: 2019

I’ve not heard of this term of being “woke” or “wokeness” until I read this. Very well written. It makes me want to cry.

I’ve been feeling “off” the last couple days. Yesterday, I couldn’t remember my routine for going to prayer meeting – something I go to every Wednesday. What time do I normally leave the house? Where do I usually park? Where did I put my gloves? Where are my keys? I pride myself on remembering people, names and details. Right now I feel like my brain is mush. I remember things but it’s like a fog. It’s not that I don’t remember anything, it’s a strange feeling I don’t know how to describe. Then I worried that I have a stroke or a blood clot or something…which then the worrying makes me anxious…and the anxiety makes me unable to think…and I worry that I can’t think…it’s a vicious cycle. Thank God for sleep. Now I know why God created our need and ability to sleep. His mercies are new every morning. Each day is a new day. I don’t have to continue to worry. I can sleep and rest, and refocus my trust in the God of the universe.

On the positive note, I bought some floral wire on Amazon, it’ll be delivered tomorrow. I’m excited to make a wreath. Watched some how-to videos on YouTube. I need something creative to do. I think I’ll go to Michael’s for fun. Have not been there for a while, afraid that I would spend money on a project that I won’t finish. I’ve been too serious lately, too much thinking…I wonder if I would be relaxed if I was retired. But I love my job and I would volunteer anyway. But a volunteer can always punt it to the children’s director…which is me right now…

A big part of my digestion problem is anxiety. I noticed that my acid reflux has been ok until yesterday when I got worried about my brain. So silly. Need to spend time with God instead of online shopping on Amazon and Nordstrom Rack! And I don’t even like shopping, but that’s not really shopping, is it?

Heavy rain today. So don’t tell me to take short showers because of drought.