Stuff That Matters In Life

Our former preaching pastor Mike used to say that we are a Costco generation – when we have a need, we don’t have to ask God for help; we get it from Costco.

I find that true of myself.

Have a problem? Google it.

Call Dr. Laura. Get a self-help book. Ask a friend. Post it on Facebook. Find a therapist. Log on to a forum. Join a small group. There is an app for that.

There is an overabundance of resources on every subject imaginable. And they are all  good stuff,  all very helpful.

But I find that this “Costco” mentality has changed the way I view God.  Even as a Christian, I do not expect much supernatural intervention from God. I expect God to work through the usual channels to provide for me, thus I am not actively praying for God’s intervention.

For example, we believe that  God works through a doctor to heal us. After a while, we bypass God altogether, save a perfunctory prayer to heal me of the infection when I know perfectly well that it’s the antibiotic that’s going to heal me.

As a Western Christian, I am a pragmatist. Couple that with celebrating the power of the individual and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, where does that leave God?

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I had breakfast with a friend last week. She is a very insightful therapist, and once in a while, I run situations by her for some “free” advice.

After I described what I was facing, she surprised me by saying, “You have to fast and pray.”

Two weeks ago, I advised another friend to find a good therapist. I just told her to fast and pray, and I will join her.

They are not my kids but I felt like a proud parent as I sat in the front row and took a video of “A” and “C” reciting their Bible verses.

I’ve been the Sunday School teacher of these kids on and off over the last 5 years. As I watch them share what the Bible meant to them, I felt a rush of pride and tears welled up in my eyes as I see how much they’ve matured.It gave me a deep sense of satisfaction to know that I am a part of the lives of these children.

I’ve also experienced the thrill of giving workshops where participants came up afterwards to thank me for influencing them. To have been a part in their lives, only for a couple of hours, gave me a sense of satisfaction as well.

But investing in someone’s life for 5 years is different than having an influence on someone in a 2-hour workshop. It takes a lot more to develop a relationship with someone over a long period of time, to be there when they need you, to go through seasons of life together. It takes commitment, sacrifice, resources, and most of all, being real.

What I mean by that is, in a one-shot workshop, I can be  dynamic, I can be funny, I can appear to be loving and kind and compassionate. I can look good and people like me. But they don’t really know the real me.

With people that I am in a relationship with for several years, we see each other’s good, bad and ugly. They see me when I’m down, and grouchy, and at my worst. I open myself to being vulnerable. Yet, that investment of deeper relationships pays off to give greater satisfaction.

People think that this kind of community and relationship only happens with your peers. But it can happen intergenerationally if you give it a chance. I experienced it with “A” and “C” who are in elementary school. I thank God for our little church family of all ages.

I always thought the role of Counselor Deanna Troi in Star Trek: The Next Generation, was ridiculous. They need someone on the team to understand people’s feelings? I thought her function was rather useless because her insights are often obvious. Her telepathic abilities comes up with something like – I feel that the people on the planet do not like to be invaded. Duh!

But recently, I’m finding myself as a sort of Counselor Troi (sans her shapeliness, unfortunately). While dealing with various issues of my dad’s stroke and relocation, I am the sibling who gets emotional. I am the one who says things like, “We have to consider his feelings and what he wants.” While my brother and sisters are ready to take action to do what we think is best for him, I interject with, “Let’s look at it from his point of view. Is it what he would want?”

I sound like Deanna Troi.

There was a time I considered being a counselor. I took a few counseling classes, but decided it would be too emotionally draining. It is draining enough in my work as a real estate agent. I experience with my clients the anguish and excitement of buying and selling a home. I work as if I am doing it for myself. Everyone’s experiences become my own.

Maybe Counselor Troi’s role is useful after all.

Jesus calls us to be servants – the greatest is the servant of all.

I don’t mind being a servant, if I am the one who volunteers and chooses to be a servant.  I determine what I will or will not do.

But I don’t like to be forced to be a servant – when someone orders me around, or when I am forced to perform menial tasks. I don’t like to be pushed to beyond my boundaries. But that in fact is the true spirit of servanthood.

Servanthood on my terms is not servanthood at all. I am counted as very little in God’s Kingdom.

This means that when circumstances forces me to humble myself, to take some abuse, I should not complain or be indignant. It really is an opportunity to exemplify true servanthood and climb the ladder of success in God’s Kingdom.

I love Psalm 121.

When I first learned to drive, in the pre-GPS, pre-Thomas Guide days (all we had were those maps from AAA, you  know, the ones that are impossible to refold), I was taught that if I am lost, look for the mountains – the mountains are north. We lived against the foothills in Pasadena, so if I just head towards the mountains, I will eventually see something familiar near home.

Whenever I see mountains anywhere, I think of Psalm 121.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121 is a picture of a personal God. He is not only the awesome Creator,

but also one who reaches down to where where we live -

“The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in”;

… where we walk -

“He will not allow your foot to slip”;

… where we work in the day -

“The sun will not smite you by day”;

…where we sleep -

“Nor the moon by night”;

…where we struggle -

“The LORD will protect you from all evil”.

He is faithful and committed to us -

“From this time forth and forever.”

Whenever I look at the mountains, I think of God’s love for me.

A few of my friends like to run. I don’t understand running.

Why agonize, sweat, suffer aches and pains – for what?? It’s not even fun. It’s not like basketball with the challenge of  getting the ball into the basket, or like football where there is fun in strategizing, or volleyball with interaction with your team mates.

Long distance running is just putting one foot in front of the other, long and monotonous, can’t talk to other runners to kill the time.

But they say, running builds character. Learning endurance, building mental toughness, developing discipline.

Running is like life. Much of what we have to do in life is not fun. We have to work at a job we don’t like, we have to put up with people who aggravate us, we have to pay taxes. When circumstances are against us, and we work through them instead of quitting, we become better people for it.

I look back on my life, and I do affirm that God used hard times to mold me into a better person.

I am the youngest in my family. Growing up, my family paved a smooth path before me. My brother and sisters took care of little me. As a result, I don’t like to do hard things. But as a adult, I have had to face difficulties – financial hardship, death of my child, stresses at work, disappointments at church. I would not have chosen to do hard things. Yet I am pretty sure that if it wasn’t for those hard circumstances, I would be spoiled like I was when I was young.

Maturity doesn’t come easy. And I still have a long way to run.

Life’s disappointments can wear you down. Rejected for a date, not invited to a friend’s party, didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas – may be relatively minor disappointments and inconsequential in the scheme of things, but still, it can chip away the joy of living.

There are the big things too – marriage problems, laid off from work, health issues, your kids making bad choices – downright ugly and pretty much messes up your life.

Life can be so weary, whether big or small problems, life is just never what you want it to be – never. If you are poor, you have problems. If you’re rich, you have problems. Whether you are ugly or beautiful, educated or ignorant, have great parents or have no parents, you have problems.

This is why I love the book of Habakkuk, particularly chapter 3, particularly the last verses.

yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

After 50 years of living, I have to say, life gets tiresome. Sure, there are lots of ups. But the downs just bit by bit wears me down.  If I focus on what life on earth offers, I will give up now.

But  Habakkuk says, there is joy in life. That joy is in God my Savior. My Savior.

He saved me, and continues to save me from the disappointments of life. When I focus on him and his love, he gives me a new perspective. He lets me see that He is at work, that when I lack control, he is in full control working to an end that is ultimately good. When I ask, he gives me strength. When I ask, he gives me encouragement to not give up.

Life is not about me, it’s about Him.

My feet are like the feet of a deer.

He enables me to go on the heights.

Our church’s former preaching pastor Mike said that after he became a Christian in the Philipines, he was excited to share his faith, and wrote to all his buddies in New York to tell them about Jesus.

Pastor Mike and I were converted at about the same time. I was in high school, in the 70’s. He called it a generational revival (as opposed to a geographical revival) of the Jesus movement that spread around around the globe. I did not grow up in a Christian home, so I feel so grateful that God reached down to me during this Jesus movement, when I was not even seeking Him.

And just like Pastor Mike, I was excited to share my new faith. At Christmas time, I sent Christmas cards to my friends and wrote the gospel message in the cards.

One friend that I knew back in junior high school responded back and said, “I am a Christian too!”

Over the years, we’ve been in touch on and off. I attended her wedding and she attended mine. Then I randomly saw her and her husband in Disneyland. I visited her church a couple of times.

It wasn’t until yesterday that we actually met up formally to have breakfast together. After all these years, now that our kids are older, we have more free time to spend a couple of hours talking. And it seemed like there was no gap in our friendship at all. We talked about our struggles, our spiritual life, our families.

She is my one friend whom I’ve known the longest, over 35 years.  She is the only friend I’ve kept in touch with from my growing up years in Pasadena (her parents still live in Pasadena as my dad is still in Pasadena.) How precious it is that she is my Christian sister.

When I went to college, I attended a junior college near home for one year, then transferred and lived away from home. I didn’t come back home to live until after I got married. My husband and I lived with my parents for one year while saving money to buy our first house. Living with my parents as an adult was difficult, to put it mildly. Honestly, I don’t recommend it.

Now as a parent, as much as I enjoy my children, I know that it is better for them to live on their own as an adult when they finish college. Several of my friends have children coming home to live after graduating from college this year while looking for their first job. We’ve been talking about the change in the relationship with our adult children.

We’ve been moms to our kids as minors for 18 years  It would be easy to gravitate back to treating our adult children as we did when they were little. It ain’t going to work.

It takes intentionality to treat our adult children differently.

I am still learning this. I catch myself saying silly things to my 22-year-old son like, “It’s time to go to bed,” or “Don’t forget your wallet.”  Does he really need me to tell him things like that??

As my children become independent, I am becoming the same – to be independent to be just me and not operate in mom mode.

With empty nest approaching for me, we are down to one child at home. With only 3 of us home now, without grandma or the 2 older kids, we are down 50% of the number of people in our house. I only do laundry once a week; I cook enough rice for 2 meals at one time because it’s hard to cook just 1 cup of rice; things are generally pretty quiet.

This week, my 2 older children are home!  Back to more noise and more dishes to wash. But I am not complaining.  I bought a bunch of food from Costco. Just like old times.

My son is leaving again in a day. His room will remain available for him when he comes home next time, whenever that may be.

Knowing that I like to read mysteries, my sign language teacher told me this book is light reading and entertaining. I think it’s a little too light, and I did not find it very entertaining.

Mrs. Pollifax Unveiled by Dorothy Gilman is one in a series of Mrs. Pollifax novels. This is the first one I’ve read, and it is my last. There were no surprises, no intrigue. The writing lacks style. It’s straightforward and plain, the way I would write…and no publisher is knocking at my door. There are over 10 Mrs. Pollifax books, so apparently she has fans. But I’m not one of them.

I miss Agatha Christie.

Do you step on the pedal and speed under the railroad crossing gates when the red lights start flashing? I do…

But I won’t anymore.

Yesterday I was driving with my friend when we approached the railroad tracks. There was a car in front of me when the lights started flashing. That car sped past the tracks as the gates are starting to come down. But there’s still plenty of time for me to pass. “You have to stop,” my friend warned. “You can get a ticket for that.” She knew from experience because her husband got a $300+ ticket for doing that.

It was a good thing I took her advice. A cop came out of hiding, .and caught the car that was in front of me.

Close one.

I’m taking a sign language class, we meet twice a week, and it’s one of the highlights of my week. There is a great sense of satisfaction when I actually understand what my teacher is signing (if he does it relatively slow).

There is a 70-year-old man in the class. He’s retired, wakes up anytime he wants, sleeps anytime he wants. I’m thinking, when I am 70, why would I want to take a sign language class? Even at 51 now, I wonder why I am taking this class. I will never be proficient enough to be a translator. It’s not like I meet deaf people everyday that I can communicate with. In fact, I haven’t met one since taking this class, other than the teacher. Is there a point to learning something just for the sake of learning?

Sure, there are personal benefits to learning such as keeping my brain active, and personal satisfaction of accomplishment, but is there any use to learn new things that has no practical use to others?  Sure, you can say it may come in handy one day. But if I’m 70, and hanging around the house, what are the chances of needing some new skill such as sign language?

I think what I am saying is, I am afraid I will not be a productive member of society when I am old. Maybe I should learn to do things that will help others rather than learning something just for my own enjoyment and benefit.

If you believe in adoption, please read my post at Adventures In Parenting.  I won’t repeat it here.

I admit, I like being a Christian. I like going to church, I like the stuff we do at church, I like meeting other Christians, I like Christiany things, I like to read the Bible and pray and all of that.

I used to avoid issues that would make me question the claims of Christianity – “How can a loving God allow suffering?” “Why does Christianity have to be exclusive? Why can’t all roads lead to God?” “There is no proof that the Bible is true.” I was afraid that if I can’t find good answers to those challenges to the Christian faith, I would have to give up church, and I wouldn’t want to do that.

But I can’t bury my head in the sand. I have to be intellectually honest with myself. Are there good reasons to be a Christian?

I went to seminary because I wanted to satisfy myself. I studied the Bible, textual criticism, historical context, and what Christianity is all about. But I still had doubts. Not doubts in my belief, but doubts that there are good rational answers to those difficult questions. I read Josh McDowell’s Evidence That Demanded a Verdict but it didn’t answer all the questions. I read C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity, and Miracles, but they were too lofty for me.

Then I came across Greg Koukl on a radio show on Sunday afternoon. It was the first time I heard someone address those tough issues head on in clear layman’s language. He didn’t quote Bible passages. His premise was that Christianity is a defensible worldview that can compete in the marketplace of ideas. That means Christianity is not just a “religious” thing, but a valid view and belief that can be explained rationally even in a secular world.

Over the years of listening to Greg Koukl, and the guests that he’s had on the show (JP Moreland, Craig Hazen, Lee Strobel, and other smart people), I am very confident that the Christian worldview makes sense. There are very good answers to those tough questions that people pose. In fact, the Christian view is the only one that can answer all those questions in a reasonable way.  Atheism, humanism, and other religions do not satisfactorily answer the problem of suffering, and make sense of life.

Even after all these years of being a Christian and learning from smart people, I cannot articulate the answers to those questions. I am not very smart.  If someone questioned me about why a loving God would allow suffering, I would be at a lost to answer them in my own words in a clear way. But in my own mind, I have no more doubts.

Currently I am reading Reasons for God by Tim Keller. Again, I am reaffirmed of good reasons to put my faith, and my life, on Jesus of the Bible. If you have questions, I would direct you to this book, and to Greg Koukl at Stand To Reason who can answer your questions in a clear rational way.

As Greg Koukl says, don’t be afraid to question. Truth is on our side. He would want to know if there are good reasons to not believe in Jesus. He wouldn’t want to waste his life. But even after all his debates with atheists (Michael Shermer most recently), he hasn’t found any.

I was looking for what I would need to make soap. I searched on Shopwiki and found it to be pretty helpful. Not only does it search for the material for soap making, but it also gives some basic instructions. If you are looking to do a project and need to shop for all the components, Shopwiki simplifies the process.

If you are shopping for say, a stroller, Shopwiki shows you the types of strollers available, and the features of each kind, plus places where you can buy them. Of course it’ll try to sell you related products by giving you suggestions for diaper bags, baby carseats, etc. I think that is helpful when shopping for gifts. You might end up deciding to buy your friend a useful booster seat that you wouldn’t otherwise had thought of buying.

Traditional shopping sites will only show you stores that have PAID for placement, and ShopWiki will give you everything. That makes searching much easier.

Disclosure: I was paid to write this review.

In a previous post, I said we canceled TV.

Correction: We canceled cable TV. We still have a TV. Now we have Netflix.

What movies do you recommend? The parameters are – not rated R or above, not a sad ending, not a silly romance, no excessive violence or brutality, prefer humor and clever storyline (Sherlock Holmes), science fiction ok (Star Trek).

I know that limits things quite a bit. Well, that’s why I don’t watch TV or go to movies much. But I don’t think I’m missing out on anything.

So far, we’ve watched Mall Cop (brainless humor), The Princess and the Frog (5 stars, good morals), Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (an old favorite, clever and funny), a Jackie Chan about race cars, forgot the name (only watched 1/2, Jackie Chan’s fight scenes are always entertaining).

I haven’t watched this much TV for a long time. Maybe it’s time to cancel Netflix.

Unsure of what to do with your life? You Can Be Everything God Wants You To Be will inspire you and put you on the right path.

The book by Max Lucado is a small, 127 pages on 5″ x 7″ paper. I suppose this would be considered a gift book. But it’s filled with valuable principles and makes you think. How are you unique? Why did God make you the way you are? What is your purpose? What are your strengths? The main message of the book is to help us discover how we are uniquely made by God for a purpose.

As with all Max Lucado books, this book is easy to read and to the point. It contains entertaining stories and metaphors to illustrate each principle. I particularly liked the chapter on Unpacking Your Bag. “You were born prepacked. God looked at your entire life, determined your assignment, and gave you the tools to do the job.” (p. 27)

However,  the book is a little disjointed. I understood why when I read a line on the title page – “Selections in this book are taken from Cure for the Common Life.” This book does not read like a complete book, rather it’s more like a simple inspirational book that hits on some main points.

I would recommend this book to those who do not normally like to read. For those who want more content, this book will not satisfy. Get a full version Max Lucado book instead.

Disclosure:  Thomas Nelson provided me with a complimentary copy of this book for this review. Opinions are entirely my own.

My highlights of the past few days:

1. Spoke at my friend’s women’s group on Saturday.

2. God gave me the message to speak on.

3. I learned a lot from my own message.

4. The ladies, including my sister who came to hear me, really liked it.

5. I got a phone call from Vietnam.

6. It was my son!

7. I miss him, but had tears of joy when he told me he just came out of a Bible study and wanted to tell me about it.

8. Substituted at middle school today.

9. Got paid for watching the same video 4 times.

10. Got paid for the 2 prep periods that gave me free time to pray on this National Day of Prayer.

Yesterday the sermon in church was on knowing God, the foundation of the Christian life.

I heard a couple of comments that the content of the sermon didn’t fit the title. They were expecting a different type of sermon about knowing God.

In the sermon, our pastor talked about knowing God as holy, a prominent trait that defines what God is like. When we truly know God’s holiness, we will see ourselves as we really are, our own lack of holiness. The shame at our own shortcomings will prompt us to receiving Jesus as our Savior so that we can be forgiven and be given a new life. Then in response in thanksgiving, we would want to serve Him. He doesn’t force us to serve Him, but knowing his love and mercy would motivate us to serve Him voluntarily.

Isn’t this what knowing God is all about? I think our view of knowing God has been “westernized”. We want sort of an experience of knowing God, a passion, or a feeling. We think it’s about me and what I get out of it a relationship with God.

But knowing God starts with God. Look at Him – He is holy, compassionate, abounding in love. When we see Him for who he is, that’s what knowing God is about. Our response to that is one of submission and commitment.

People think that it is a bad thing to surrender to God. The paradox of the Christian life is that by surrendering our lives to Him, we find the fulfillment that is greater than what we can find living life our own way. If you try to save your life, you will lose it. If you give it up, you will find it.