18
Jun
stored in: 2019

I appreciate our pastors. If I have any problems in ministry I feel confident they can help. But I need a female mentor. I am praying for one. But have not taken active steps to ask to meet up with a particular woman that I want to get to know. She lives far so that’s a barrier.

I would like to be in an accountability group with a few women preferably 3, but I don’t know who. All the girlfriends I know are too nice. If I tell them a sin I struggle with, they would just comfort me, tell me that no one is perfect, you’re doing good, etc. I don’t want that.

I want people who would hold me accountable and pray for me, give me Biblical counsel. I wouldn’t mind younger women, but I don’t think they would feel comfortable with me. Perhaps being in different life stage might make it hard for us to relate. But I think that shouldn’t be a huge barrier in Christ. I actually learn a lot from my daughters, so I don’t think age difference is a problem.

I guess I’m picky about who would be in the group. It has to be just the right mix, that I think of all of them as spiritual peers, knows the Bible well so they can offer biblical perspectives, women I respect. I want to be just a member of this group. I don’t want to lead the group or feel that I informally lead the group. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been in a group where I don’t feel I have to lead it. I wonder if a lot of leaders/pastors have this need.

And it’s got to meet at a time and distance that is convenient for me.

I had consider taking a class in seminary to find likeminded peers. But I don’t really want to study.

Yeah, I know, so many requirements to check off…now you understand why I can’t find an accountability group…

17
Jun
stored in: 2019

My son and DIL invited us to dim sum and Huntington Library, so we were more than happy to give up our usual Monday run to Costco.

I had a Huntington Library membership a couple of years ago, but decided to take a break from it after the year was over. We renewed it today and I’m glad. Whenever I go there, I feel relaxed. Maybe it’s the walking, maybe it’s better air quality with all the plants, maybe it’s the beauty of nature. Maybe it just seems to be another world there where I do not even think about all the stuff I have to do. All I do is marvel at God’s creative powers in the variety of plants. It’s like being on vacation.

Of course being with my kids always makes me happy. When I’m happy, I don’t feel stress or anxiety.

I made my husband tape his mouth shut last night…all because of google.

I google mouth breathing and read that it’s not harmless. In fact, it can affect your blood pressure, which is my husband’s problem that I’m concerned about. All the searches said to tape your mouth shut to stop this habit.

Lo and behold, he said he slept better last night. I hope his sleep will continue to improve and his blood pressure lowered. Thanks google search.

16
Jun
stored in: 2019

When talking about adoption today, one of the boys took me by surprise and said, “I have a birth mom.” Later I asked him privately what he meant. He has a birth mom and a stepmom. Makes me love this kid more knowing what he has had to go through.

Yesterday I had lunch with a family whose dad has cancer. I can’t handle the sad things of life.

Maybe that’s why I felt off today – kind of tense, which gave me a headache. I didn’t have any more than the usual stuff today. I don’t know what God is teaching me through the anxiety I’ve been feeling. Am I suppose to just pray more? I am going to ask God to show me what this means, what is causing this, and what I should do about it. How can I relax more and keep that posture?

I want to try acupuncture. The idea scares me, but I do believe in it, so I am willing to do it now to see if that will help.

I thank God for my mother-in-law for being such a servant – washing dishes, helping where needed.

 

14
Jun
stored in: 2019

My way to prep for a Bible study or sermon is to mull it over for a couple of weeks. Then on the Thursday before the Sunday, I sit down and type it out. This week it didn’t happen. I didn’t have a clear direction. I spent Thursday writing drafts, but I didn’t like it.

On Thursday night, as I was having my quiet time, I asked God again, what is the most important truth the children need to know this Father’s day? There are so many ways I can go with this. Then God impressed upon me that I need to highlight the character of the Father. I was pretty excited about it. I spent my QT reading about what God revealed about who he is.

On Friday, I wrote out the sermon. I feel good about it.

It’s only a 20 minute sermon for the children, and no one would appreciate it more than me! It will come off very simple, but to me, it’s deep. The children won’t know how much teaching them actually makes me grow.

I heard on the radio that obedience to God is evidence of our faith in God. My sermon reminds me that we would not obey God unless we have have full confidence in God’s love for us.

07
Jun
stored in: 2019

I am trying to identify what makes me stressful and why I did not feel stress on vacation.

Talking to people. I love talking to people. My complaint about my husband is that he doesn’t talk to people. Don’t you have natural curiosity to know people?  But talking to people and focusing my energy on them does drain me. Some conversations are not life giving, and trying to exit the conversation politely causes me stress. I worry that I offend them. When I’m on vacation, I don’t have to talk to anyone except my husband. I can totally be myself without the pressure of being polite.

Thinking about the stuff I need to do the next day. My work is not “hard” in that it’s not anything I can’t figure out. People are not pushing me or giving me problems. But it does take mental energy. The worst part for me is making decisions. I think about the hows, the whys, the whats, the whos of the ministry a lot, trying to analyze things so I can make good decisions. While on vacation, the physical distance helps with clearing my mind not to think about those things. But when I’m home, those things are always in front of me.

Time. There’s always a schedule to keep. Even though my work schedule is flexible and loose – I got to the office at 10:15 today – I feel rushed to try to get there earlier. If I didn’t rush, I wouldn’t make it to the office at all. On Sundays, I’m talking to so many people, rushing from one meeting to another. On vacation, I have no time constraints. We take our time, sit around the restaurant as long as we want. There’s no “we have to get back for…”

Messy house. I want to have to clean house, but I can’t keep it clean. When I’m home, I see the piles and I say to myself, I am going to sort that out and throw things away. But I don’t make the time to and the pile sits there. It stresses me out to see the pile everyday, several piles, piles that grow. I procrastinate because it’s not something I want to do. One time in small group, the icebreaker question was, “If your house is on fire, what’s one thing you would take with you?” My husband said, “I don’t want to take anything. It’d be great to everything burned up!” He might be right. When I’m on vacation, there is no mess. The airbnb is not my house. I don’t have to clean it. I travel light so there are no piles.

Cooking. I love to cook. But I feel rushed. When I get home from work, I want to exercise a bit. I don’t exercise much, 1/2 hour would be enough. But I need to cook so we’ll have dinner at a decent time. Especially on Wednesdays and Fridays when I have to eat and go back to church. I can’t take my time to enjoy the cooking process. On vacation. there’s no cooking. I don’t love going out to eat. We get tired of restaurant food. But there’s no stress to have to cook within a certain time. There are no dishes to wash.

Seems like most of my stress would be gone if I wasn’t working. Sure, I’ll be bored and I’ll probably be stressed about something else. But still…I wonder when I should retire…

 

03
Jun
stored in: 2019

After finding out a friend has stage 4 colon cancer, I nagged my husband to get a colonoscopy. He had one 7 years ago, it doesn’t hurt, figuratively, to do it again. I had it done last year so I’m good for several years.

While waiting for him, for over 3 hours, I was able to spend time with God and hear what He says to me about my worries.

We generally expect nothing when we go in for these types of screenings, but you never know. So while waiting, I was worried. I talked to God about it, and He assured me once again, of His love and His sovereignty. But do I really believe it? I asked God to expose my heart to see where my doubts are. Praise God for the quality time with God, and the colonoscopy results are fine so far. The doctor took out a polyp and will have biopsy results in about 2 weeks. No news is good news.

But the doctor said his blood pressure is high. My husband is already on meds for that, and still not under control. And I know that, which causes me to worry.

I worry because he is not proactive in taking care of himself. He is the typical man who does not complain and will not go see the doctor, until I nag him to death. I don’t want to be that wife. I’ve gotten to be very naggy. I told him that he provokes me to nag because he won’t do what he is suppose to – to take care of himself, exercise, lose weight, don’t snack. But God also told me, during the colonoscopy, that I want control. I don’t trust in God’s sovereign control.

Yet, can you be negligent of what God already told us to do to take care of ourself, and say trust in God to take care of us? And if my husband doesn’t listen to God to care for himself, how much do I nag and try to take control and how much should I let God convict him to do it on his own? I also do not have confidence in my husband’s ability to listen to God. Yet, God can make him hear if He really wants to. But what if my husband is stubborn? What if God wants to use me as a conduit to speak to my husband, which then means I should nag him and break through his stubbornness. I don’t want to nag, but I do. And then I worry and get angry when he still won’t do it. I am getting frustrated now thinking about it.

In the end, my part is to submit to God’s will that He is sovereign and He will do what is best for my good and for His glory. Even my husband’s negligence cannot thwart God’s will. And if God’s will is for him to live to 100, God can miraculously make it happen even with high blood pressure.

I think a lot about this type of interplay between God’s sovereignty and our own sin of negligence.

02
Jun

Had a full weekend of ministry. I enjoy the actual work but it’s the anticipation that stresses me.

PT and I recorded our 3rd episode of our podcast on Friday afternoon. While this podcast was my idea, and I had to talk him into it, this time I felt anxious. I had a dream the night before that I didn’t have my laptop in front of me and didn’t know what to say. I don’t know what my subconscious was telling me. The real recording time was fun though.

On Friday, I was to give the gospel message at Awana, not only with the children but also the parents will be present. I prep, rehearsed it several times, and was ready. The 2 nights before Friday, I felt anxious and had a bad dream. Once there, I feel God giving me the words to say. In my weakness God is strong.

Saturday morning was deacons meeting. I never look forward to these meetings at 8am, but at the end, I always feel grateful for these men who has served God faithfully for many years.

In the afternoon was the Awana appreciation of the Leaders. I try to plan everything so the Leaders can come and enjoy each other’s company. Again, I don’t like the anticipation, since there are logistics like set up, food, details that I hate. So grateful for my dear friend Denise for doing everything I ask her to do, and more. Everything was taken care of exactly as I hoped. God provides a community to serve together so that in my weakness the Body of Christ is strong.

I left early to rush to Irvine for my son and daughter in law’s gender reveal party. Anticipating the gender, rushing, having to leave the Awana appreciation in a rush, not having had a decent sit down meal of protein, all added to my short temper. And my husband is always the recipient of my frustrations.

At the end, everything was fine. God is good, and whatever was not done, well, it doesn’t matter. I really need to remember this. As much as I love my work, I see that this job has taken a toll on my emotional health.

I want to stop the high-strung way I respond to ordinary regular activities of life. I’ve said this before. I need to stop taking myself so seriously.

31
May

My last post of our Hawaiian vacation.

Here are random places we went to:

Goodwill. My favorite place anywhere I go. Bought a baby Hawaiian dress and a child size jinbei. Can’t get that at our Goodwill.

Local library 2x. Another favorite place anywhere we go. We walked a couple of nice beaches and view points. As much as I love the beach, we didn’t want to sit on the beach in the hot sun, no shade. My husband doesn’t love the beach. We didn’t have anything else planned. Both of us love to read. What better place than in nice air conditioning? I bought 2 paperback books from the Friends of the Library used book section.

Famous Footwear. Our airbnb is walking distance to Ala Moana mall. We thought we’d take a walk around the mall. But we both hate shopping. Famous Footwear was the first store in our path. After that we left. There are some different styles. My husband bought a pair of shoes on sale. Sales tax is a little lower than in CA.

Hawaii Kai Church. My pastor HL knows the pastor here. It seems like a nice family church, but no one greeted us. It’s not a big church, the regulars would know we are new. In fact, we walked past the pastor, and he didn’t greet us.  What happened to Hawaiian hospitality? Later on I went up to introduce myself. Lesson learned – we should always greet people at church.

Maili Beach. We decided to explore the west side beaches, not popular side. I see why it’s not popular. The area is a little messy. The beaches are a bit dirty. And it’s busy with what looks like huge family gatherings. Big party tents are set up up and down the beach. Parking was hard to find. Everyone is barbecuing, the food smelled really good. We stopped and looked and moved on.

China Wall. It’s a cliff jump off. It was fun to watch the brave took the leap of faith into the roaring waves. It’s considered pretty tame I guess, its not that high, maybe like a high diving board. Still it’s pretty high and scary! Didn’t see anyone drown. It’s a small hide out in a residential area with about a dozen people there cliff jumping. No, we didn’t jump. But it thrilling just watching.

 

30
May
stored in: 2019, Vacation

Continuing our food tour:

Koko Head Cafe. Recommended by Johnson who did not get to go when he was in Hawaii but wish he did. They are known for their french style creamy eggs and fusion everything. I like Hawaii for it’s cultural diversity, and Asian food is not “Asian food”, it’s just food. This brunch place serves fried rice with chinese sausage and chinese roast pork. I had pork belly and my husband had Korean fried chicken, all served in a skillet with rice with the burnt crust. And white people are eating that. (I substituted rice for salad). They also serve french toast, pancakes, etc. Fusion is not even a thing in Hawaii, it’s just normal.

O’Kim’s. Chinese fusion again. Located in the Chinatown area, a little sketchy, no one really walks around here at night, not like Waikiki. Their touches of aioli and dressing were really good on my salmon. My husband had duck confit. I usually order for him so I can have a taste of what I want to eat. He eats anything and everything. I wish I can be like him.

Garlic shrimp truck. After our first snorkeling experience in Shark’s Cove, we asked surfer guys where to eat. He pointed across the street with several food trucks and said the garlic shrimp is not bad. It’s garlic shrimp with the shell on with white rice. Again, so Asian even though it’s not an “Asian” food truck. Later we found out garlic shrimp food trucks is well known in the North Shore.

On my list was Fumi’s garlic shrimp. When we found that later in the day, my husband didn’t want the garlic shrimp again the same day even though that’s what they’re famous for…he ordered tempera shrimp! He always chooses fried foods if I don’t stop him. This time I wasn’t there to stop him because I was looking at the pond where they grow the shrimp.

 

29
May
stored in: 2019, Vacation

More food in Hawaii that we ate:

The first poke and more poke. Our first stop after we landed was Costco. I’ve heard so much about poke at Costco that I had to try. Live and learn, it was not good poke. And it wasn’t cheap compared to what we had later.

I read in the Costco magazine that where poke was invented was a must eat. It was in a little local grocery store with a little asian lady behind the counter. The poke was definitely much better than Costco. I was satisfied…until we found out locals didn’t think it was the best. Our zipline guide told us that every other grocery store had better poke than that place! That was a good tip, because we found that most markets or random grocery stores sell poke by the pound at the deli section. There is a good variety – octopus, clams, even tiny crab, and different flavor marinates of the ahi tuna. We stopped by a random Foodland and got some salmon poke, a perfect protein snack for someone like me on a low carb diet. It was really good.

We went to the Foodland close to our airbnb for our last meal – poke from the deli section. My eyes were bigger than my stomach, we ended up throwing away about 1/4 pound of it.. Wow, that never happens! Why can’t we sell poke by the pound here instead of by the scoop? And such small scoops there is never enough! To think I had too much poke in Hawaii…I miss that. Did I tell you it’s not expensive? It’s $9.99 a pound!

Zippys. It’s a fast food chain with local Hawaiian food. It’s great comfort food. I had the best oxtail soup, recommended by Lorin. My husband had the miso honey chicken, it was good too. Everything comes with 2 scoops of rice, so Asian here,. I like that even though I don’t eat rice.

Liliha bakery. That was on Lorin’s list for the cocopuffs. It’s a cream puff filled with a lot of the custard, it was worth eating a half of 2 different flavors – green tea and original. The green tea was not great but good.

Liliha was also a restaurant so we went back for dinner. Again, it’s Hawaiian comfort food. I think I like Zippy’s better.

Ala Moana Maiki food court. I don’t recommend. I understand it’s food court, not gourmet, but still could be better. We were there 1/2 hour before closing, at a steak place. The steak was tough and not much flavor. But of course, it’s a food court and it was cheap so what did we expect? I was hoping for a little better.

Uncle Clay’s shaved ice. We don’t love shaved ice. It’s just sugar syrup. We’ve had really good shaved ice in Taiwan, but Uncle Clay’s is suppose to be the best. It did not disappoint. Taiwan was better though.

McDonald’s. I know. But it was a block from our airbnb so we went there for breakfast. My husband just want to get food. I don’t eat food, I eat for the experience. The draw to McD was the taro pie. It was definitely worth my limit of 1/2 the pie. I really wanted to eat the whole thing. It would sell here in our Asian community.

Aunt Pat’s cafe at Kualoa Ranch. This was in the Kualoa Ranch after ziplining. Grass-fed 1/4 pound burger (raised on the big island of Hawaii) was really good! And considering it’s a tourist trap the price and quality was excellent.

Waiahole Poi Factory. From the name you would think it’s a restaurant. It’s actually just a little place by the side of the road recommended by our zipline guide. So after Aunt Pat’s where we split the burger, we drove 10 minutes to eat laulau, poi, and lomi salmon, the real Hawaiian food experience. It was good, except for the poi which apparently no one really likes but you’ve got to try it. Also splurged on their ice cream with a warm mochi on the bottom. That was worth my sugar as well.

To be continued…

 

 

 

27
May

What I love most about teaching is it forces me to take the effort to study and meditate on the passage and then getting an insight that I had not seen before.

On Sunday, I taught the children on Mark 9:35 – the greatest is the servant of all.

Me: What does a servant/slave have to do?

3rd grade boy: Everything.

That’s right. All the stuff that no one wants to do. Who would want to be a slave? And how does being a slave make you great?

It became clear to me that Jesus is talking about himself. In 9:31 he told the disciples about his death and resurrection. They wanted Jesus to be the king. But Jesus was telling them he is the slave of all by dying. And then the Father will exalt him to be the greatest.

The Bible is not merely teaching a moral lesson about being unselfish. The lesson is about the greatness of Jesus.

27
May
stored in: 2019, Vacation

Here are the foods we experienced on Oahu:

Leornard’s malasada 3x. We were told this is a must have. I agree. It’s worth it. I was so excited to stumble upon their mobile truck, only to find that they only offer 3 flavors – custard, chocolate, and coconut. The special flavors are only in their full bakery. I settled for one coconut malasada, but the lady must’ve sensed my disappointment. When we opened our bag, we found 2 malasadas! That’s Hawaiian hospitality, it made my day. I have to think of a way to pay it forward.

The next day we made our way to the actual Leonard’s bakery after dinner. The flavor of the month was pineapple. I was told the ube was best, but they didn’t have it. The line was not too long. We ordered the flavor of the month one pineapple, no extra this time. The flavor was ok, the coconut was better.

The day before we left, we passed the mobile truck again. Couldn’t resist our last fix of malasada – chocolate, my husband’s choice. Since I’ve cut sugar and wheat from my diet, it’s got to be really worth it for me to eat something like that. It was worth the half that I ate of each malasada. Half is my limit. My husband is along for the ride to eat the other half of whatever I want to try. He’s not complaining.

I want to see for myself if Leonard’s malasadas are really superior to others. We saw a random place with a sign “hot and fresh malasadas”. I had to try. That was not worth it. No filling, and not as light. I took 2 bites and my husband ate the rest. Now I can say Leonard’s is the best.

Side Street cafe. I asked Lorin, my friend from Hawaii to give me a list of restaurants that she recommends as a local. Side Street was on her list. And the guy I sat next to on the plane also recommended it, now I’m really excited to go. He’s travels 3-4 times a year to Hawaii for business so he must know. And it happens that Side Street Cafe is walking distance from our Airbnb, so we hit that on our first day. The portions are huge so it’s better to go with a group to get a variety of dishes, family style. We ordered the 2 most popular dishes – pork chops and boneless kalbi. It was good, but I wouldn’t say it was fantastic.

To be continued…

I will never have to buy Costco discount movie tickets again.

The senior price for Edwards is $10.50. Anytime. That’s cheaper than Costco.

I will now only go to a theater with recliner seats. I don’t love movies. The way to get through these epic 3 hr movies is to have my feet up, and possibly fall asleep in it.

At the Brea theater:

Me: Is there a senior discount?

Box Office guy: Yes, but you have to be 60 to get the discount.

While I am flattered that I don’t look my age, I now make it a point to tell people my age, when it serves me that is, so they will treat me better and give me discounts, haha.

When I was on the train in Singapore, a sign says to give up your seat to seniors, women with children, and the physically disabled. I noticed young people were very good about doing that. But only once did someone give up a seat for me. “Hey, I’m older than I look! You should give me your seat!”

24
May
stored in: 2019

Despite being stressed before a vacation, I realize I do need to get away to relax.

Here are my beach experiences that helped me relax:

I insisted on a room with an ocean view. Hawaii isn’t even worth it without a room with an ocean view. Our room was on the 38th floor across the street from the beach and it was great.

My dad was very proud of being able to afford a house with an open city view. He had reason to be proud coming as an immigrant with nothing to a house on top of the hill in Pasadena. He talked about that view all the time. I think that’s why a view is important to me. We can’t afford a house with a view, so when we are on vacation, it’s my indulgence to have a view. I can stare out the window for a long time. We also have a view of Diamond Head. While it’s not an unobstructed view, it’s still great.

We went to several beaches, they are all beautiful. I liked Sandy Beach because it was not crowded. I could sit out on the water for a long time. My husband does not share my love for the beach. He doesn’t like sand between his toes, etc. etc. He’s from the east coast. I don’t swim in the ocean, I’m not brave. I just love the rhythmic waves and the view of the horizon, in warm water.

It’s a 10 minute walk to cross the big street from our airbnb view room to the beach. We went twice at night to sit on the beach. It’s the best time to go to the beach. There’s a warm breeze and the water is still warm.

I wrote on my bio that “going to the beach to feel the power of the waves deepens [my] faith.” That is exactly why I love the beach. I can meditate, think about God, pray, reflect, even be moved to tears just sitting in the water. 

This is my 3rd time in Oahu. First time I went by myself when I was in high school – I was on my way to Hong Kong to visit my sister. That’s another story. Second time I had my own family with 2 little kids. This time with my husband and no kids. The accessible beaches is the draw, as it is for the rest of the world who comes to Hawaii.

22
May
stored in: 2019

Continue

Fun hikes in Hawaii that I am grateful to have experienced:

We booked a zipline experience for Wednesday. I was attracted to it on their website because it said it was good for all levels, no experience needed, only a few 5 minute hikes. I want a little fun but not a lot of challenge. That’s me. And this experience was just about right. I probably could’ve used a little more challenge, but it prepared me to zipline again. It was not scary at all, probably because it was made for beginners.

The next day, we went to the Likelike Falls. Being me who does not want a lot of challenge, I googled for an easy hike to a waterfall. We had the trail to ourselves on the way up which gave me plenty of space to go as slow as I wanted. It was muddy and uneven, and some steep areas. With my faithful husband to hang on to, it was just the right amount of challenge for me. The waterfall was small but hey, it was a waterfall.

We went on another hike to another waterfall on Monday, the day we left. Our flight was 8:45pm, so we had all day. The Waimea Falls and botanical garden was worth the $18pp admission. It was paved, too easy, but gave us plenty to enjoy in a beautiful natural setting of native plants. There were even occasional cultural displays (with real people manning the display) of huts, leaf weaving, etc. The waterfall was bigger with people swimming in the pond. They provide life jackets. Too bad we were not ready for swimming as we had already packed our stuff.

On Saturday, we went to the largest farmer’s market on the island. It wasn’t huge but it was fun. While our farmer’s markets also have local artists selling their crafts, this one is only food. One stall was one of the restaurants that was recommended by the Costco magazine. Yay, crossed that off my list. The food was good!

We didn’t realized that Diamond Head was right behind us. Diamond Head was another touristy thing I didn’t want to fall for. But since it was right there, we walked up to the monument – not the summit – and enjoyed a nice nature hike. We found out why that part of the island is so dry – there were desert plants. They told us the ambulance is sent for almost daily to rescue people from the hike up the summit. It’s deceiving because it’s less than a mile one way to the summit. But I think the steep climb and the heat can be a dangerous combo for the novice. I didn’t have a great desire to conquer the mountain. We settled for a Dole whip and a nice walk back down.

We logged in about 18,000 steps everyday.

Hawaii adventures to be continued

21
May
stored in: 2019

I have no complaints about our vacation. Seriously, who can complain about Hawaii??

FOMO is a thing with me. I don’t want to come all the way to Oahu and miss something that everyone else had done on the island. I had a list of stuff I wanted to do, and I am quite satisfied that we did just about everything I needed to do.

Here’s a short list:

Went snorkeling twice. I knew we had to snorkel at least once, you just can’t go to Hawaii without doing that. On Tuesday, our second day, on our drive to North Shore to experience the various beaches, we stumbled upon Shark’s Cove that my friend recommended. We had our stuff in the car, and decided to just do it. It wasn’t like the pictures with Nemos and Dorys all around. I think it’s because we didn’t risk going out farther from shore. But it was great even so just to see fish up close and personal.

Then on Friday, we decided to drive to Hanauma Bay just to look at it from above. I didn’t want to fall into the tourist thing of snorkeling there. It doesn’t seem right to have to pay $7.50 pp to go to a beach in Hawaii. But when we saw how everyone was there just enjoying the beach and didn’t seem touristy at all, we decided to pay the fee to go in. I’m glad we did, otherwise I would regret it. Again we stayed close to shore but still got to see a good number of fish, bigger and more fish than Shark’s Cove.

Same Tuesday on the drive to North Shore, I wanted to find the beach with turtles. On the way to where I thought we’d spot them, based on Tripadvisor comments, we saw cars parked along the road. Of course we had to join the excitement. I love to go where the crowd goes. Lo and behold, 3 turtles were on the beach!

Then on Thursday, we went to lookout points for views – blowhole and the lighthouse, and we saw turtles swimming near the shore. They didn’t beach but it was fun to see them swimming.

To be continued

 

10
May
stored in: 2019

I always lose sleep before vacation. Is it even worth going on vacation to relax when it takes so much to get ready to go?

Once the plane leaves the ground, then I feel relax.

When I had 3 months of Sabbatical last year, I felt very relaxed once I was away. I hope to feel the same on this vacation as I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety right now. Being anxious makes me tired emotionally, and I don’t feel like talking to people when I’m tired like that. And that’s bad because my strong point is connecting with people. I want to get out of this funk and I hope Hawaii will do it.

But a big blessing was 2 of the ladies I serve with from the Cantonese congregation took me out to lunch. It was such a nice time chatting. Then today one of those ladies brought me Uncle Tetsu’s! It’s my favorite thing in the world, the one dessert I cannot resist! God brings these blessings to me through people at a time when I’m tired and emotionally just want to quit. Now I can’t quit…

At mom’s fellowship today, 2 of the moms said, “Thanks for leading the discussion.” They don’t usually say that. I didn’t feel that great about the discussion at all. I am afraid that the discussion was just a discussion or didn’t point people to Jesus.  Then it would be a waste of time, for me at least. But they thought it was helpful. God has a way of using weak things, and I am definitely one of those. I have all kinds of weaknesses. I appreciate my husband for putting up with me when he takes the blunt of my bad mood. Honestly, if he treats me like I treat him, I wouldn’t be as kind to him as he is to me.

06
May
stored in: 2019

Saturday: After morning deacon’s meeting, Mike and I had an adventure and bought a blueberry plant. So excited! Harvested 5 berries so far!

Sunday: 3 moms who are friends with their children came to church for the first time. They are Mandarin-speaking, which is not unusual. Every week we have visitors who are Mandarin-speaking. Neither is it unusual that only moms came with children. The fathers are usually in China. What is unusual is that these 3 moms are not new immigrants. Their English was decent and the children’s English was pretty good. And 2 of the families had 2 children. Most families from China only have one child. I asked if this is their first time to church. “Yes, we don’t know what to expect!” So blessed to be a part of what God is doing in our church.

Last Sunday an Indonesian mom and daughter came for the first time. This Sunday they came again, and brought an Indonesian friend. They found us on google, not knowing that we have a large population of Indonesians in our church. For some reason, God is bringing Indonesian families to us.

I was very encouraged by the first meeting of the Celebrate Summer One Day Children’s Outreach. I expected 2 people to attend as part of the planning team. One got into a car accident just before the meeting, so I thought our team will be very small.  But God brought a total of 6 to the meeting! It’s not the number but their enthusiasm for children and for outreach inspired me at a time when I felt like quitting.

Sunday was the last Perspectives Class! The last 15 weeks of Sunday afternoons have been very well-spent. I would do it again. I highly recommend every Christian to take this course. They say it’s not just a class, it’s a movement. I don’t know what that means. Movement is one of those words like passion and strategic. It sounds good. I don’t know if Perspectives is a movement, but I do hope that is will make a notable difference in us personally and in our church.  Now I need to review and apply all this to how I live my life.

We went out to dinner with the usual Perspectives class members, for the fellowship and not the food of course. I told my husband that to make it worthwhile to spend $45 for this dinner fellowship, we will only leave when everyone else leaves. We have to stay as long as possible to get our money’s worth :) It’s a joy to talk to people from our church and other churches.

Also started praying for Muslims as Ramadan started on Sunday.

Monday: catching up. Did our usual Costco and Billy’s Egg Farm run. No other agenda, except last Perspectives homework and project. I can’t complain.

 

03
May

Yesterday I posted my issue of aging. I’ve developed all kinds of obsessions with problems that come with getting old.

First it was my digestion with pain in my stomach. I asked my doctor run all the tests. I was obsessed with supplements. There were bottles of pills arriving at my door everyday. It was so fun, so full of hope that one of those would solve my pain. I was literally googling for hours going down the rabbit trail for solutions. Then I found FTD, been following that (more or less low carb high fat, not completely keto), and feel much better. I am thankful for google, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to find FTD. But now I can’t just eat whatever I want as I used to do when I was young. See what happens when you get old?

I don’t google digestion anymore, though I am still reading stuff about digestive health and active on the FTD FB group.

Now I’m obsessed with googling about pain in my leg and pain on my left thumb. I was diagnosed with weak gluts by a PT. No surprise since I don’t exercise. I’ve lost close 10 pounds on FTD, so I lost the muscle that I didn’t have much to begin with. When I cut out carbs, I didn’t know I had to add a lot of fat to my diet. Now I’m trying to eat more fat, but so hard to gain muscle.

I blame all this on aging. It was so much easier to exercise and gain muscle when I was young. Now when I exercise, I get sore, I get tired, and other parts of my body gets misaligned. I’ve been googling exercises, and how to get rid of the pain in my thumb. I want to find that one exercise that will solve all my pain. And more business for Amazon – a thumb splint guard.

And that’s why I don’t like getting old. When you get old, you can’t live without google and Amazon…

02
May

In a podcast today, the host asked, “What false beliefs do you have about yourself that is holding you back?”
I have a false belief about getting old.

I think old people can’t be productive. I think I’m old and therefore limited in what I can do. I make decisions based on what I can or cannot do at my age. I don’t want to have adventures because I think I’m too old to enjoy them. Only young people can be carefree and run in the wind. I know I can still do things, but I can’t do the things that young people do.

When I was young, I was adventurous. I wasn’t good at things but I would try and not be fearful. But now I think, why push myself. Why bother? What’s to gain? I’m happy where I am. The one thing that I have risked is going on short term mission trips. And only because Taiwan is not a third world country, and I can get a direct flight there. I am not sure I’d go to Indonesia or Kenya.

I am thankful for my husband. He doesn’t let age hinder him. But he wants to retire from work so he can travel and have fun. When I think of retiring, I don’t think of having fun. I think it’s being old and useless.

My hero is George Mueller. He traveled to preach in his 80′s when traveling wasn’t as easy as it is now. He preached into his 90′s. He was widowed twice and remarried both times. I don’t think I can remarry if I am widowed. But who knows, maybe by the grace of God, I will defy my own expectations. That would show the power of the resurrection. That I may know him and the power of his resurrection…and the fellowship of his suffering.

Since I’ve identified this false belief, I will try not to allow a false belief to rule my life. I don’t want to miss out on something good because of a false belief. That would be really stupid, wouldn’t it?