Stuff That Matters In Life

I just got this insight (and another chapter for my book).

I realize that as a parent, I have such a close bond of identification with my children that whatever happens to them it’s like it was happening to me.

Recently when my daughter receive a nice gift; I felt it was as if the giver had shown me the kindness. I was so overjoyed and excited all day, and the present wasn’t even for me.

My son has been traveling recently. When people show hospitality to my son when he is away from home, it is as if they were extending their house to me.  Stuff that I want my son to receive – some attention and time, some spiritual encouragement, some advice – if anyone do that for him, it’s as if they did it for me.

How about when my children misbehave, how would I want people to respond? I would want people to treat them kindly, reprimand them gently, and take the time to get to know them and help them grow.  I wouldn’t want people to write them off, or punish them harshly.

So if you love Katy, if you want to repay me for a kindness I’ve done for you, I want to tell you, do something nice for one of my children. That would be the best gift you can give me.

I don’t feel this way about anyone else, not even my husband. But for some reason, there is that identification with my children.

What about if you are really nice to me, but you are unkind to one of my children, how do you think I would feel about you? You can give me all the expensive presents you want, but I would never be able to be close to you. In fact, I would say you’re being insincere with your show of love towards me because if you really consider me a friend, you would be at least nice to my children.

I hope you are catching on to what I’m trying to say.

I understand now what Jesus meant when he said, “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”  When we give a cup of water to the needy, or share a bite of food with the hungry, it’s as if we did it for Jesus. He identifies with his children in the same way I identify with my children.

If we say we love God, but do not treat people well, how do you think God feels about our supposed “love” for him? What do you think is the best way to show God that we love him?

I am very mindful now of how I treat people, even strangers, even those who annoy me.  I think about how I would feel as a parent, and how it would make God feel as the Parent. If I want people to treat my children well, how much more would God want us to treat his children with love and kindness, especially those who are in need?

On Sunday, I taught the concept of Lent to the children.

Lent is generally practiced among Catholics, but it doesn’t hurt if we Protestants practice some kind of giving up of something in preparation for Easter.

I explained to the children that whatever we sacrifice, it’s nothing compared to what Jesus did for us when he came to earth and died for us. But when we give up something that hurts us a little, it’s a way for us to think of Christ, and say to Jesus, “My little bit of pain reminds me of what you did for me. Thank Jesus for dying for me.”

I asked each child to think of something that they will give up.

C said he will give up broccoli… I told him he has to choose something else to give up.

A said she will give up snacks. After some clarification, she said her favorite are chips, and she will give that up. I am proud of her.

S said he will give up computer on the weekends….he’ll play Wii instead. I’ll accept that.

M said he will give up computer too. “But what about for homework?” He asked. I said it’s the spirit of the sacrifice that matters. He can use the computer for homework without going on other sites. “What about when my AIM automatically pops up?” You can disable it, buddy….anything else??

J didn’t tell me what he was giving up. I told he didn’t have to. It’s between him and God. He got the point when I explained Matthew 6:16 – do not tell everyone what you are doing in order to make yourself look holy.  J said, “Don’t be a show-off.”  He understood.

They all put their initials on the calendar to indicate their “fast”.

I am so proud of the kids. They know more than most adults.

Thank you for the surprise gift at the front gate! When I first saw it, I thought it was some kind of advertisement, the kind where if you want to buy it, you pay for it. If you don’t want it, the promoters will come by and take it back. I looked around the neighborhood expecting every house to have one of these hanging at their front door. LOL!

You know, it’s not just the thing itself, but the love and thought behind it that I appreciate. Thank you for your committed friendship. I wish I can do more to help you in your journey and struggles of life. If I can give you a word of encouragement, let me say that, trite as it may sound, it is true – whatever you do for God, no matter how big or small, is not in vain. The journey is worth it. He will never fail you. You are still young, with a whole lot of life ahead of you. No need to be in a hurry for things to happen. (Just FYI, my brother found the perfect wife for him when he was 40. It’s ok if it’s not your time yet.)

When you get to my age, you will look back and know that everything had a purpose.

May music, peace and joy fill your soul.

I sold my son’s bunk bed today…

We’ve had that bed for over 10 years, probably closer to 15.  I didn’t think I would feel sad, but I do.

It is true what they say, that the more you know, the more you realize how much you don’t know.

I became a Christ follower when I was 16. After 30+ years of being a Christian, you would think I have it down pat basic concepts such as Loving God, Loving People, Knowing the Bible, Prayer. But this morning as I was praying, I saw once again my gross weaknesses. I am better than I used to be, but just as I thought I was pretty good, I am faced with the holiness of God, and realize that I still have so far to go.

However, I don’t feel dejected. I am able to accept God’s forgiveness, and have come to realize that this is the way the Christian life ought to be. To be in a state of constant neediness is a good thing. Our culture of positive thinking and self-sufficiency tells us that we should be able to solve all our own problems. In fact, the highest goal is not to have to depend on anyone. And even if we can’t solve our problems completely, the fact that we put forth our best efforts is commended.

But I am learning that admitting defeat and my own limitations opens my heart to rely more on God. As long as I think I can do things on my own, I will continue to exert my own efforts. But when I see my foolishness and frailty, compared to God’s perfection, I am humbled. And that’s a good thing.

I am not giving a full review here, but just noting a couple of books I read recently.

Easy to Kill, another classic by Agatha Christie, was a reread for me. It’s not usually much fun to reread a mystery because you would already know whodunnit. But I forgot who the murderer was until half way through, so it still fun to read.

Spiritual Direction by Henri Nouwen is the first book that I’ve read through by Nouwen. And it’s not really written by him; it’s compiled by his student after his death. Nouwen’s books take a long time for me to read because they are so introspective and I have to think through the concepts rather than reading it superficially. Some really good insights about spiritual life in this book . I would quote them here, except I’ve already renewed it 3 times, and I had to return it to the library yesterday.

I’ve been following the Today’s Giveaway blog lately. Almost everyday there is a contest to give away good stuff. I like to enter contests on blogs because it’s easy, and kind of fun, especially when you win. But you also find out about new products that you may not normally hear about.

So at Today’s Giveaway, there is a contest to give away a free redesign of your blog.

You can tell I can use a redesign. Rather than just a generic template, it would be really nice if I can get a cute one that they are giving away.

If you want to win a blog design worth $100, you can enter too.

I read another biography of a Christian hero (children’s narrative version).

William Booth is the founder of the Salvation Army. With what do you associate the Salvation Army? Soliciting money at Christmas with the ringing bell? The Salvation Army truck picking up your discards? The Salvation Army band at parades? (there is an interesting history about the band recounted in the book.)

The Salvation Army is much more than that. I didn’t know that the Salvation Army had such an impact on society until I read this book. I don’t know what the Salvation Army does now, but back then, the Salvation Army was a driving force of both social reform and church growth.

William Booth had a vision to preach the gospel to the poor in the slums of England when none of the established churches wanted to touch them.  Shame on the church, and shame on us now who do  not give a helping hand to the poor.

Being pelted with rotten tomatoes, stones, and dead cats (gross!) did not stop William and the Salvation Army from advancing. By the time he died, the Salvation Army was established in 80 countries, and operated more than 3,000 social welfare institutions, hospitals, schools, orphanages, homeless shelters, and social service agencies.

When I read biographies of men and women who were leaders of Christian work, it reminds me to pray  – Oh God, do it again! Use us Christians to change the world!

Take a look at this space saving apartment. I’d be happy just to add some more bookshelves in my house.

http://planetgreen.discovery.com/videos/worlds-greenest-homes-hong-kong-space-saver.html

This article makes me want to buy the ipad.

We know the right answer. “The church is about the people…people not program…”

But the way we act often reflect otherwise. We get upset with people when the program doesn’t run smoothly. We  are irritated with people who disagree with us how things ought to be done. We stay away from people who are to us “weird”. We come to church looking for a good program or a good sermon, not to enjoy the fellowship with the people. We call upon people to “serve” in the church to fulfill a task, not to spend time and minister to people.

Trey’s blog post inspired me to see the church the way Jesus sees the church. We need to focus on the right things, otherwise the church ceases to be a church.

I love to read whodunnit type of mysteries in the classic tradition of Agatha Christie. Unfortunately, Withering Heights by Dorothy Cannell is not one of them.

I read the first in this Ellie Haskell series, Thin Woman, a while ago. I didn’t love it, but I thought I’d try another book by this author.  The cover of the book was pink and pretty. This proves true not to judge a book by its cover. After reading Withering Heights, I decided I will not read any more by this author.

Withering Heights is her 11th mystery featuring Ellie Haskell, so I am sure some may find the books intriguing. But for me, her style of writing is too verbose. There’s too much useless dialogue and asides that do not contribute to the story or to the characters. I was half way through the book before the intrigue began. The criminal was not clever, the resolution was not satisfying, and the heroine was not all that likable.

Let me know if you’ve read any clean, clever mysteries that you recommend.

When you are posed with several options or courses of action, and all of them are good, how do you decide which one God wants you to choose? How do you determine God’s will?

I’ve been reading biographies of famous Christians, the children’s versions in story form. They are easy and fun to read, so engaging that you wouldn’t want to put it down. It only takes a few hours to read one.

So far I’ve read George Muller, C.S. Lewis, Gladys Aylward, Hudson Taylor, Mary Slessor, Amy Carmichael, William Carey, and John Wesley.  The life stories of these missionaries and influential leaders gave me a glimpse of how God lead people’s lives, those who were committed to serve Him.

For Hudson Taylor, he was very sure God spoke to him and told him to go to China. Often when he had to make a decision, he would pray until he got an answer from God. He would get impressions from God on specifically what to do.

William Carey, on the other hand, seemed to have much the course of life determined by circumstances. For instance, he was called to India, but his wife did not want to go. He was ready to go without her, but at the dock to board the ship to India, he was not allowed to go on without the required permit.  Circumstances delayed his trip, allowing time for his wife to change her mind, and for additional money to come in that paid for her fare to eventually go with him to India.

While Hudson Taylor and William Carey had a very definite place they felt God called them to, Amy Carmichael changed her place of ministry a couple of times. At first, she wanted to go to China. But instead she served 15 months in Japan. Though her work in Japan was thriving, she felt called to India, where she ended up the rest of her life.

I understand that these children’s version biographies are limited. They cannot give the details of these missionaries’ lives. I am sure their decision making processes of being led by God were much more complex and deeply more personal than a couple hundred pages of narrative can describe. But still, it made me think, and I saw a bit of how God works from these stories.

1. Open and closed doors of circumstances is only one of the ways God speaks, though it seems to be the most practical way. Most people depend on circumstances to decide for them, that if the opportunity is not there, then it must not be God’s will. Gladys Aylward proved that wrong. She felt so strongly called to China that after she was rejected by mission organizations, she saved up money working as a maid for almost a year, bought her own ticket and went to China on her own. How many of us would’ve taken the rejection of missionary organizations as a No from God? After all, the people on the board who advised her not to go were Christians. Lack of resources and support, and no experience and training did not stop Gladys Aylward. A female traveling by herself, she encountered danger and near death experiences going through war zones in Russia, yet she made it to China. Against all odds, she became a woman of influence in China that even Hollywood took notice. Her life was made into a movie starring Ingrid Bergman (The Inn of Sixth Happiness.) Amazing!

2. That brings me to the second point, that you should not approach seeking God’s will with a formula. God is a person. If you want to know what he wants, you have to get to know him. That’s the privilege we have, and the beauty of it, as children of God. He is not a God who is afar and unknowable. He can do more than what you can imagine.

3. There is always a risk. Even if you know for certain God’s will, the road ahead is not easy. And troubles along the way does not mean you chose wrong. The missionaries suffered severe storms on the ships going to their destination, they were persecuted, rejected, had difficulties with other Christians. Determining God’s will for your life doesn’t mean choosing a trouble-free life.

4. If you truly want to serve God, you can do that anywhere. You can’t go wrong wherever you end up.  On the 4-month trip from England to China, Hudson Taylor and his team brought just about every crew member on the ship to the Lord, including the most belligerent first mate. “Our minds are kept in peace as to the future.” Hudson Taylor wrote. “Were we never to reach China, we should all rejoice in the work God has done on the Lammermuir.”

5. Seeking God’s will is not passively waiting for something to happen. Gladys worked overtime, and ate sparingly to save money for her travel expenses. Hudson Taylor went for medical training in London because he knew those skills will be useful in China. William Carey learned other languages that helped him later in translation work. Someone said, God cannot steer a parked car. I wouldn’t say that he can’t, but it makes more sense to keep moving forward, and it’ll be easier to see where to make the turn.

Our pastor said his senior quote was, “I’ve been crucified with Christ, and it’s no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me.”

His teacher thought it was beautiful, and asked if he wrote it. In case if you don’t know, it’s a Bible verse, Galatians 2:20.

When I was in my 20’s, I went to a retreat with the theme, “To live is Christ, To Die is Gain.” I’ve attended many retreats in my life, but this is the only one with the theme that stuck with me. At that retreat, I memorized Galatians 2:20, and it continues to be one of my favorite verses. Whenever I am selfish, when I want to do what I want to do, this verse comes to mind. My life is not about me. It’s only right that I obey God because he loved me and gave himself up for me.

Obedience to God may seem difficult, but that is only the immediate reaction. My human nature wants to live selfishly, do what I want, no one can tell me how to live my life. But actually, there is greater joy in living God’s way than in living my own way. Jesus says, “My burden is light.” I have found this to be true.

Take for example finances. We talked about that today in Sunday School. God wants us to give generously. We would rather spend on ourselves. Are we truly happy when we live selfishly?

Tom Hsieh, who makes six figures in the tech business, chose to live on $38,000 a year, giving the rest of his income away. He says, “Some think too much of us [him, his wife and daughter] and think we’re saving people’s lives. But doing this giving—putting time as well as money into Servant Partners and Pomona Hope– has saved my life. I could easily have lived a life that was boring and inconsequential. Now I am graced with a life of service and meaning.”

My pastor said to wake up each morning and say, “I die to myself today. What does God want me to do?”

Honestly, it does hurt to die to yourself to live in obedience to God. But it’s only temporary and inconsequential compared to life with Christ. Life is much better with Christ than without.

To Die is Gain.

I recently heard this quote, something like, “I don’t have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one.” (Some have attributed this quote to Mark Twain, but I haven’t found the source. It sounds like something he would say, I suppose). I shall remember this when I write, and hope to get my writing more precise.

Another quote I like, one that I’ve heard before and was reminded of it recently, is by William Carrey, “Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God.” I shall remember this in my prayers this year, and see what happens.

Emotions are intensified for youth and young adults. I just realized the truth of that yesterday.

I was having a bad day for no apparent reason. Small irritants that are a part of life made me angry. I had a good cry when I went to bed. But my emotions are not as strong as they were when I was younger.

When I was younger, everything felt like life and death. A bad grade, an oral report, an argument with a friend were all so consuming. Every incident seemed to determine the fate of my life. Relationships with guys were especially vulnerable to the emotions. When I was “in love”, I was on cloud nine. When a relationship went south, I was in hell.

When callers ask for Dr. Laura’s advice, she would say, “Do you have a brain? Use it.” She meant don’t act on how you feel. We can feel something very intensely, but our brain is what will guide us to make good decisions.

I compare myself now to me when I was younger, and I can see that my emotions have settled down. I am still a pretty emotional person, but feelings are not so intensified now. I can better understand situations without being clouded by emotions.

Dr. Dobson has a book titled Emotions, Can You Trust Them? The answer is basically No. As much as emotions are a vital part of being human, he explains it this way:

“I have no desire to return our culture to the formality of yesterday, when father was a marble statue and mother couldn’t smile because her corset was too tight. But if our grandparents represented one extreme of emotional repression, today’s Americans have become temperamental yo-yos at the other. We live and breathe by the vicissitudes of our feelings, and for many, the depression of the “lows” is significantly more prevalent than the elation of the “highs.” Reason is now dominated by feelings, rather than the reverse as God intended…emotions must always be accountable to the faculties of reason and will. That accountability is doubly important for those of us who purport to be Christians. If we are to be defeated during life’s spiritual pilgrimage, it is likely that negative emotions will play a dominant role in that discouragement. Satan is devastatingly effective in using the weapons of guilt, rejection, fear, embarrassment, grief, depression, loneliness and misunderstanding. Indeed, human beings are vulnerable creatures who could not withstand these satanic pressures without divine assistance.

Those years as a young adult were rough for me. I wouldn’t want to relive them. I am glad for some maturity I’ve gained with age.

My highlights for 2009:

Opportunities to speak and meet nice people

-I spoke at the Huntington Beach MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group of about 60 women. How nice to see so many young moms fellowshipping together. I can totally relate to all the questions they asked. For me to give them answers now is easy. It’s much easier said then done when you are in the middle of frustrations with your kids. I’ve been there, and am glad for the opportunity to give them some encouragement and perspective.

- I gave 2 workshops at a parenting conference, one on “Parenting Kids in the Age of the Internet”, and the other on “Keeping Teenage Kids in Church.” I was glad to see quite a few dads attending, showing their commitment of priority to their family. The 180+ turn out for the conference was just about what we expected. Being this was the first time for such a conference in this area for Chinese churches, it was a great success.  We’ve been asked to hold another parenting conference this year, 2010.

- I spoke on the book of Ruth at the UCLA AACF (Asian American Christian Fellowship) Women’s Retreat. It was my daughter’s college fellowship group and she was one of the participants While I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to indirectly teach my daughter what I want her to know, I realize that I already taught her everything I wanted her to know. Her spiritual maturity is beyond mine when I was her age. I am very proud of her.

Away from home

- We took a family vacation to Japan! It’s very expensive for a family of 5 to go on a big vacation so we don’t get out much. But there isn’t much time left before my kids will be on their own.  We so decided to scrape and spend the money while we still can. It was a fantastic trip of both family time and new experiences. I blogged about it previously.

- My husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with a trip to Palm Springs. We were married in 1984 in a church in Pasadena, 2 young people who had no idea what we were doing. Twenty-five years later, I am still trying to figure out what life is all about. While in Palm Springs about 80 miles away from home, lo and behold, we saw a church friend at a restaurant at dinner time! I told my husband that it’s a good thing we weren’t having an affair. You never know who you might see, no matter where you are.

- We went down to Mexico for a one-day mission trip with our church people along with  several other churches. We woke up at 4am and came back at midnight. It was fun, a good experience, and I was very inspired to see God’s work in people who are so committed to serve the poor.

- My husband and I went to the Bay Area for my second cousin’s wedding, without our kids. We don’t often go places without our kids. But they had their own plans,. Why would they want to attend a wedding of someone they don’t know, and socialize with relatives some of whom they have never met? In fact, I hardly know the couple, other than the fact that we are related. But it was a good time, even a bit of dancing after the dinner.

Changes in life stages

- My son finished college! I am very proud of him, not just for academic achievements but for his positive attitude towards life, his spiritual awareness, and his drive to make an impact in the world.

- My youngest daughter started high school. She has to now start figuring out her academic path to take her towards her career goals. But at the same time, I remind her that academic and career success are not everything. “Don’t worry about your grades,” I tell her. But I know the reality of the competition to get into college these days. Challenging times for her.

- My other daughter is living in an apartment with 3 friends. From just barely adjusting to college life a couple of years ago, to now a junior living off campus, she is handling life well, doing all those things that I remember doing when I was in college. Good times!

- I reached another “zero” age, and it’s not 30 or 40. At least it’s not 60, yet. My sister planned a surprise party for me, and I was thoroughly surprised! I had no clue…and I thought I was a person with good intuition and awareness…I think I count 3 surprise parties in my life, and each time I was truly surprised. So maybe I am pretty clueless afterall.

Firsts

- First time attending an OMF Conference (Overseas Missionary Fellowship). It motivated me to explore possibilities of going overseas when I retire, hopefully within 8 years. I am thinking I want to help out in an orphanage in Taiwan.

- First time serving as Missions Director at church. After 20 years of serving at our church in various capacities, this is my first time being on the Missions Committee. Since I don’t have any experience myself in oversesas missionary work, I felt a bit inadequate. But it’s been fun because I am always up for doing something new.

- First time attending a 50th wedding anniversary party. What a testimony of love and faithfulness.

- First time going through a study of a book with my 6 good friends. Several of the friends I’ve known for 15+ years, one I’ve known since college. But this summer was the first time we’ve had free schedules to actually meet weekly, consistently for 6 weeks. We are in the same life stages, and as our kids are older, we find more time for ourselves and our friends.

That’s all I can remember right now. I”m sure I’ve missed some good stuff. God is always faithful, no matter what our external circumstances may be at the moment. I am thankful for 2009, and for the life God has blessed me with.

In a previous post I quoted Eric Lidel, the Olympic gold medalist – “God made me fast. When I run, I feel His pleasure.”

I like that quote.

Lidel says when he does what God gave him the ability to do, God is happy with that.

We may be good at something, but it doesn’t mean it would be easy. I am sure it wasn’t easy for Lidel to be a champion runner. He had to discipline himself, he had to train, he had to sweat. But he made full use of what God gave him, and God is pleased.

The book of Proverbs talks a lot about laziness. I used to wonder why God is so harsh on lazy people. Why can’t they take life easy? Why do they have to work so hard?

I think I now understand. If Eric Lidel was lazy, he would not be such a great runner. He would not have fulfilled God’s purpose for him to be a fast runner.

I feel I’ve been wasting time; I’ve been lazy. My new year resolution is to do whatever I’m good at to the fullest.

Whatever you are good at, do it to the fullest, and that will please God.

Growing up I did not celebrate Christmas with any great meaning. We were not a religious family; Christmas had no significance for us. We merely enjoyed 2 weeks off school and a few presents from relatives. My parents, pragmatic Chinese parents that they were, did not give us presents. (”We give you room and board, what more do you want?”) There were no meaningful traditions in our family that I can remember, which means any tradition we did have made no impact on me.

When I got married, I decided that as a Christian, I want my children to grow up knowing that Christmas reflect the significance of the birth of Christ. I went to an Emily Barnes Christmas seminar where she talked about how to have meaningful Christmas traditions to pass on to our children. I implemented many of her suggestions, and even bought a wooden nativity scene from her store.

When my children were young, we made decorations for the house, read Luke 2, baked cookies, lit the advent candle everyday, opened a window in the advent calendar each day until the 25th, etc, etc. Those were all the things I would’ve wanted as a child. Now I get to experience them, albeit from a different perspective.

In the last couple of years, it’s been a challenge to continue our traditions since my two older children are away in college. They are not home to decorate the house; they are not home to open the windows of the advent calendar each day. My youngest daughter at home felt lonely and unmotivated to continue our traditions without the other siblings.

But still, I strive to keep some of our traditions. This year, we started a new way of doing advent – using this Jesse tree idea that I found on a website.  We still went together to buy the Christmas tree, but I put up the decorations myself, leaving much of our decorations in the boxes.

It’s a little sad for me that as my children get older, the fun and excitement of Christmas is not the same. But I think this is not a bad thing.

Christmas has to “mature”. The “Christmas spirit” is not just about the fun and glitz. In fact, the traditions we followed each year are not an end in themselves. They are to point to the deeper meaning of Christmas, the birth of Christ. We give at Christmas because God first gave himself to us. As the children are older, it has been easier to focus on that true meaning.

I no longer have to steer the children away from commercialism. Being old enough to pretty much buy things for themselves allow them to find much more joy in giving. Focusing on relationships and reflecting on the Savior has become easier as the focus is no longer on the presents under the tree.

I think that with each passing year, I will have to develop new traditions. My family, while the most important to me, do not need my full attention anymore. I should start to focus on others. Maybe next year, we will branch out to do more outreach during the Christmas season.

I found this on the Huffington Post by Donna Estes Antebi to be rather insightful. Here is an excerpt. The post is worth reading in its entirety.

What I am finding shocking is the ever-increasing parade of smiling women waving their “I slept with Tiger” emails in search of their 15 minutes of fame. How is it that these women are not hanging their heads in shame? Since when did it become acceptable that women could cheat with a married man who had toddlers at home and think they should be able to face the world with their heads held high? Decades ago they would have been shunned and run out of town. But today, these brazen women are parading around for photographers with their big sunglasses, fake tans and new hair extensions and are all hoping to sell their story and see if Playboy Magazine or some new reality show comes knocking. This audacity is symbolic of the moral apocolypse [sic] that has happened to America. They should be ashamed of themselves. Their conduct should be scorned, not sold to the highest bidder….

A wife has enough to worry about trying to balance the demands of her husband, her life, her work and family. The last thing Elin or any wife needs are low rent weeds trying to mess with their families by setting stripper-sized booby traps for the fathers of her children – let alone trying to sell the story to the media. Shame on him and shame on them. Contrary to what many seem to think, cheating is never “just sex.” Every time a married man is with a weed or even thinking about a weed, that is time that should have been spent focusing on the needs of his family. Children need a mom and dad and they need them both under the same roof.