stored in: Taiwan

(Part 1Part 2Part 3, Part 4 in case you are interested)

I never used to worry. But as I get older, I am more prone to anxiety now.

The thought of going to Taiwan is giving me anxiety. I want to go, I’m excited about going, I just want to get there now. I hate the anticipation. It’s like the night before Disneyland when I was little, so excited I couldn’t sleep. But now that excitement is coupled with responsibility. I have to be ready to “perform.” We are taking care of children, so I have to be ready with crafts and lessons. I will be giving an evangelistic message at a crusade, and I feel so inadequate.

I would like to feel a little more “ready” so I can be more “in control”. You can tell that control has been a theme for me. I want make sure everything “goes well”, and being the team leader of this trip makes me feel that it’s up to me that things go well. Of course the fallacy there is that we are never in control of life. And the outcome is not up to me. In fact, no one expects that of me except me. I am not looking at life with the right lens. God is in control. The logical thing to do there is to hang on to him.

God, I need you with me to help me in my preparations so I can be ready. I need you with me all the time, to be with me every step of the way. Help me to let go of wanting to be control and let you take control. I am leaning on you.

One Response to “Part 5 TW STM”

  1. Aaron Says:

    I think you’ve come to a great conclusion on this post. The remedy for anxiety is prayer because it’s really all we can do. Preparation and planning are important and a part of being good stewards, but in the end it’s up to God to do the work. Praying that he will use you!