stored in: 2019

After finding out a friend has stage 4 colon cancer, I nagged my husband to get a colonoscopy. He had one 7 years ago, it doesn’t hurt, figuratively, to do it again. I had it done last year so I’m good for several years.

While waiting for him, for over 3 hours, I was able to spend time with God and hear what He says to me about my worries.

We generally expect nothing when we go in for these types of screenings, but you never know. So while waiting, I was worried. I talked to God about it, and He assured me once again, of His love and His sovereignty. But do I really believe it? I asked God to expose my heart to see where my doubts are. Praise God for the quality time with God, and the colonoscopy results are fine so far. The doctor took out a polyp and will have biopsy results in about 2 weeks. No news is good news.

But the doctor said his blood pressure is high. My husband is already on meds for that, and still not under control. And I know that, which causes me to worry.

I worry because he is not proactive in taking care of himself. He is the typical man who does not complain and will not go see the doctor, until I nag him to death. I don’t want to be that wife. I’ve gotten to be very naggy. I told him that he provokes me to nag because he won’t do what he is suppose to – to take care of himself, exercise, lose weight, don’t snack. But God also told me, during the colonoscopy, that I want control. I don’t trust in God’s sovereign control.

Yet, can you be negligent of what God already told us to do to take care of ourself, and say trust in God to take care of us? And if my husband doesn’t listen to God to care for himself, how much do I nag and try to take control and how much should I let God convict him to do it on his own? I also do not have confidence in my husband’s ability to listen to God. Yet, God can make him hear if He really wants to. But what if my husband is stubborn? What if God wants to use me as a conduit to speak to my husband, which then means I should nag him and break through his stubbornness. I don’t want to nag, but I do. And then I worry and get angry when he still won’t do it. I am getting frustrated now thinking about it.

In the end, my part is to submit to God’s will that He is sovereign and He will do what is best for my good and for His glory. Even my husband’s negligence cannot thwart God’s will. And if God’s will is for him to live to 100, God can miraculously make it happen even with high blood pressure.

I think a lot about this type of interplay between God’s sovereignty and our own sin of negligence.

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