stored in: 2019

I said something really stupid at the mom’s fellowship today! One mom shared how she’s always giving to others and it’s hard to also have enough energy to encourage her husband. I meant to say self focused constant complaining makes things worst and doesn’t allow us to experience God’s victory. But I’m afraid it came across like I wasn’t saying we shouldn’t complain. I felt bad and apologized to her if I may her feel like she can’t share her problems.

This bothered me all day. I felt so bad. It bothered me because I was careless with my words. I said it without thinking it through. No matter how good my intention may be, wrong choice of words are wrong and hurt people. Good intention does not excuse behavior. I pray that God will help her forget what I said and that she’s not discouraged!

I know I have a tendency to blurt things out when I’m comfortable with people. I do that with my family. I don’t filter what I say. This scares me. My sin and immaturity comes out in sarcastic remarks. As a leader of the church, people may take things wrong if they don’t know me that well. Of course they know leaders are not perfect, but people like to be able to think highly of their leaders. I know I do. Why else would I want them to be leaders if they are not mature?

I realize now this is one of the difficult things about being a leader/pastor. You can’t totally be yourself even though your church is suppose to be your church family. These are the people you’re closest to, yet you have to keep a certain distance. Otherwise your sin is so apparent and it can be ugly. I’ve heard this from pastors and didn’t understand it till now as I analyze why I feel so bad about that incident.

I mean, I get it that a leader should be authentic and it’s ok to admit you’re wrong. ButĀ if it happens too often and your sin is out there all the time, it’s not a good thing.

No Awana tonight. Went to Costco instead to buy snacks for tomorrow’s training workshop. It’s one chance for my husband to get a Costco danish. In the old days, we would actually buy, and eat, a pack of those sugar-rich, fat-ladened cheese and apple danish. But in our old age we can’t eat that anymore…Sigh! Well, we can IF we exercised, but we don’t, and that’s the tradeoff.


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