11
Dec

I read a post where the author threw away all her journals. A reader commented that doing that would make her feel like a part of herself is gone. There’d be nothing to show that she was alive. Without memorabilia from elementary school, it would seem like that part of her life never existed.

As I’m cleaning out the garage and finding my children’s childhood schoolwork, toys, scribbles, notes, etc., it does validate me that I was once a mother to 3 small children. Those were good times.

Yet, it brought a lot of sadness that those days will never return. It also brought me anxiety, that I could’ve-should’ve. In hindsight, I could’ve-should’ve done more to shield them from pain, bullying, disappointments. If I had known then what I know now, I would’ve done things differently with my kids.

In my head I know that’s not how life works. It’s a journey of one step at a time. You don’t know what you don’t know at the time.

But in my heart, I wished I could’ve been smarter, more sensitive, more godly, more prayerful, more everything. I suppose that’s how every parent feels.

How I thank God for the gospel of redemption! I thank God that all my children, despite all my shortcomings, are saved and walking with Jesus. He is all they need, not me. I rest in the truth that He will redeem all things. Redemption is His main business. Glory to God!

I am ready to let go of the past. I don’t need the validation of my life in the past.

I am looking forward to my future. I want write a book, impact the families at our church, disciple younger people, and see where and what God allows me to do.

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